


My Spot or Our Spot?

by Heliosthetroll



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Child Abuse, College, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-05-31 01:37:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15109082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heliosthetroll/pseuds/Heliosthetroll
Summary: Dirk has a routine and that routine includes a certain spot. So what happens when someone else comes along and disrupts that routine and takes his spot?





	1. Invader

Your name is Dirk Strider and you have a routine. 

You never break your routine.

You have no reason for your routine to break.

Every day you get up at four and go take a shower until five, washing your hair thoroughly. Then you style your hair for thirty minutes before going to grab some toast for breakfast and then leaving for the bus stop at exactly six. The bus picks you up around six fifteen and you go to college where your schedule is laid out for you. First is math, then programming, then physical education, lunch, engineering, and finally English before your day is done. Once school is over you go to the bus stop and the bus leaves at three thirty and you arrive back at your stop at four. From there you go to your room and work on homework until six at which point you grab a quick dinner and then go back to your room to work on your own projects until two. Finally, you go to bed until four when it all starts up again.

At lunch, you have a routine as well. You grab your lunch as soon as possible, getting in line as quickly as you can so you don’t have to wait long, and then head outside to your special spot where you always sit to eat as you work on blueprints. It’s a nice relaxing place on the campus, a nice hill overlooking a mostly empty area of the school with a cherry tree on the top. You picked it ironically the first day you came here but you’ve grown actually accustomed and attached to the place as it integrated itself into your routine. Now you always went there, letting the petals of the flowers fall on you in the spring and eating a few cherries you found growing just before summer.

This has been your routine for the two years you’ve been going to this college for your engineering degree so far.

You thought it would never change until you graduated. 

But then he arrived.

He was an exchange student who you had in your phy ed class and English class. You didn’t pay much attention to him, new kids like this weren’t too strange. You didn’t pay any attention to his introduction that the English teacher made him do because she’s that kind of teacher despite this being college. Really the only thing you caught about him was that he was from an island off the Pacific coast despite having a clear British accent. It was strange but you didn’t care much. Soon class actually started and you completely forget he was there just like you hadn’t even noticed he’d been new during phy ed.

You mostly had written him off already as another person not to care about as you rode through your routine until college was over. He had already seemed to join a group of friends and so you figured he wouldn’t bother you any.

But then the second day had come. 

Everything was going normally until lunch. You grabbed your meal of a crappy hot dog and went over to your spot to sit down only to find that someone was already there. And that someone was the new kid.

You stared at him for a few good moments without even really looking at him, your brain trying to figure out what to do with this new change to everything it had gotten used to before finally deciding that this kid needed to go so you could have your peaceful alone time like always.

You walked over, face as blank as always. As you approached he seemed to notice you and sat up a bit straighter and waved, a cheery smile covering his entire face as deep green eyes sparkled from behind thick-framed glasses. He wore a green vest with t-shirt like sleeves over a white shirt with a green skull printed on the front along with tan shorts that went down to a bit above his knees. They weren’t incredibly short by any means but as you scanned over his body quickly you couldn’t help but think they were just a bit too short. Or maybe he was just too good looking. Whatever. That didn’t change that he was in your spot. The fact that he had a bit of muscle, just enough to be visible even when he wasn’t flexing, but not a whole ton of muscle didn’t change that he was in your spot. The fact that he had pristinely white teeth, along with a cute pair of buck teeth, didn’t change that he was in your spot. The fact that his skin was a wonderful caramel color didn’t change that he was in your spot. None of that changed that he was in your personal spot and that he would have to move. None of it.

“Hey, chap!” His voice breaks you from your thoughts and you bring your eyes back up to his face, glad he couldn’t have noticed your assessing eyes from behind your pointy, and ironic as fuck, shades. You give a simple, “Hey.” in return, your voice monotone and empty of emotion as per usual. He either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. “My names Jake English! It’s nice to meet you, chum!” This kid. He is just so chipper and friendly isn’t he? Cute too. “I’m Dirk. Dirk Strider.” Why aren’t you telling him to leave yet? For some reason, you just can’t get it to come out. So you sit down next to him as you try to make the words come out. “Oh! Would you just so happen to be related to someone named Dave chap?” That catches your attention. How does this guy know about Dave? He’s not going to college until next year and it’s not even going to be this one. The kid got a partial scholarship to an art college out of state that he’s going to. Your proud of him but you’ll miss him and that also means that this kid who just moved here should not know about him. You instantly go on guard. “Maybe. Why?” “Sorry didn’t mean to seem creepy chum!” How did he know how you felt? “It’s just my little sister Jade is always talking about her friend Dave Strider so I thought you might be related! My bad!” 

Oh. Well, you guess that makes sense. But wait wasn’t that Jade girl Dave sometimes talked about named Harley and not English? How were they brother and sister? “It’s chill. Dave’s my little bro. He says that Jade’s a Harley though.” “Oh yes well, you see the thing with that is my grandmother raised us both when our parents died. My mother died giving birth to her when I was just three and my father had died on an adventure along with my grandfather a few months before. I had already taken my father’s last name of English by then but to honor my mother grandma gave Jade her maiden name.” As Jake explains everything you suddenly feel really guilty for bringing it up. After all, you know just how painful losing your parents can be. 

“I- Oh. Sorry for bringing up bad memories.” He looks at you confused for a moment as you look at the ground before chuckling. “It’s ok chap. The way I look at it I barely knew them. Pa was always out exploring with grandpa and I was only three at the time so it wasn’t like I knew my mother too well either. Besides grandma does a great job raising me and Jade and teaching us about our parents. Through grandma, I feel like I know my parents better than most kids ever get to and sometimes I even feel as though they’re still here with us and guiding me and Jade.” He chuckles again and you can’t help but turn to look at him as he smiles and watches the clouds float above you both. “Grandma always says they’re there above us, helping us along. And she even says that me and Jade are almost identical to the two of them so I can’t help but agree with her.” 

You sit there staring at him for a long while, neither of you saying a word. He seems happy, at peace even, but you’re just trying to get a grasp on what he just said.

He’s… Wow.

He’s really optimistic, isn’t he?

Sweet too.

It’s… It’s really fucking adorable. 

And damn this lighting on his face…

You jolt when you hear the sound of loud young adults heading back into the main building, signaling lunch is over. How long were you even sitting here staring at him? You didn’t even eat which isn’t too unusual for you but you also didn’t even get a single bit of work done on your blueprints which definitely is. He seems surprised as well for a moment before grinning and chuckling. “Well fuck chum I didn't even notice how much time had passed! Sorry for taking up your entire lunch with my nonsense! See you!” He got up, stretched in a way you couldn’t help but notice made his shirt ride up to show off his abs just a bit, and then ran off. You stared after him for a few moments more, just trying to figure out what had just happened. You hadn’t even gotten to ask him why he was here under your tree in your spot rather than with his friends much less get him to leave. Instead, you’d gotten almost entranced by him and…

Well, you had to admit he was pretty damn attractive.

You think you just achieved your first ever crush.

Roxy will be pleased to hear about this.

As self-promised Roxy is very pleased when you video chat her later that day from your room to tell her what went down. “Oh my god Dirky that’s amazing! Eeee I can’t believe you finally have your first crush!” Even you can’t help but smile just a tiny bit at Roxy’s excitement over this. She’s been so supportive of you through everything. From the day your parents died in that car crash leaving you to be cared for by your thirty year old could give less fucks about you two brother to the moment you figured out you liked dudes and only dudes to now when your spot at lunch was invaded by a cute guy you now have a crush on despite talking to him once and barely even talking to him really then. She’s really all you could ask for in a stepsister slash mother. At least mother in spirit. Though really the entire Lalonde family was just made up of mothers but same difference.

“Relax Rox it’s not that big of a thing. We talked for like two minutes.” “And then you stared at him for like, twenty minutes.” She winks at you and you roll your eyes from behind your shades. She giggles at this and it reminds you that she is the only person to be able to see past your mask and know how you react to almost everything. Well, Rose too but she has… Different reasons for that. You don’t feel like thinking about her. And you guess Jake now too maybe? You don’t know. He seemed to have sensed your feelings before with more accuracy than anyone but a Strilonde could but he seemed oblivious to other things like your gaze when you first were looking over him and when he was watching the clouds at the same time. Maybe he was just guessing? That was a possibility.

Roxy, of course, seems to guess why you’ve gone silent again. “Maybe he did know. I mean, is it so weird to think he did?” It is but you’re not given much time to think on that before she continues. “Or maybe your love made you drop your guard more than you realized.” You… You guess that makes sense and you know she doesn’t mean bad by saying it but thinking about it… 

What if it had dropped? What more could he have sensed? What more could he know? Did he know about the real you now? He couldn’t... Right?

It chilled you right to your bones to think he might’ve seen past your carefully put up shields and guards.

What if he knew about your feelings already? 

That scared you the most. If he knew then he could do whatever he wanted with you by saying and doing the right things or even just threatening to out you for being gay. You knew there was at least one homophobe in your school after all. It was part of the reason you didn’t ever talk about your interest in anime or MLP in school or even give the slightest hint about it. That would be more than enough reason for them to go after you and frankly you’d rather avoid that even if they didn’t necessarily scare you. If Jake knew you liked him, that you had a crush on him already, he could control your every move. Or worse, he could reject you. He could destroy you entirely and totally.

Roxy shakes you out of your thoughts with her voice just before you can get too lost in your own head like you usually do. “Dirky everything’s going to be fine. I promise. And if it isn’t then you can come over to my place and steal one of my cats!” You roll your eyes again but smile. “Rox you know I don’t want your cats.” She giggles and you have to admit that the thought is nice all the same. “I know I know you goof but trust me, everything will be fine! If this Jake kid even tries to hurt you you better bet mama Roxy will be all over him!” She makes a fist and flexes as if she actually had muscle but it’s not very intimidating. Or at least it wouldn’t be to anyone who doesn’t know just how fierce Roxy can be when someone she cares about is hurt. It’s comforting knowing she has your back.

“Thanks, Rox.” She smiles. “No problem Dirky! Love you!” She hugs her monitor and you can’t help but chuckle at her. “Love you too Rox.” You both talk for a while longer before she has to go and you try to return to your routine only to find that you can’t. You keep getting lost in this or that thought process about Jake and eventually, you just give up and decide to go to bed early for once.

That night you dream of romance and of him.


	2. Surprises and Mysteries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake has more up his sleeve than Dirk was expecting in more than one way.

The next day starts and you’ve completely forgotten about Jake by the time you wake up at four and slip back into your routine again. You get ready for school and then head out after saying goodbye to your younger brother and ruffling his hair to mess with him like you always did. The bus comes right on time and you ride your way to the bus stop nearest to school before getting off again. As you enter the school to maybe catch up on your blueprints while you wait for classes to start you find Jake talking to someone by the front entrance. You have to walk by them to get in and as you move to do so Jake spots you. “Oh! Dirk! Hello, chap!” You stop and turn to him, suppressing a cringe as you are stopped. “Hey man.” 

You get a better look at the person he’s talking to now and it appears to be a female around the same age as you and the age you assume Jake to be as well based on the classes he’s taking and his appearance. She’s short and chubby but not quite overweight to a degree that a doctor would be worried about her or anything. Mostly it just looks kinda cute. Or at least to someone who was into ladies it would. You aren’t though so it’s mostly just like, oh ok. Guess she ate one too many cupcakes or something no big deal. She’s wearing a white t-shirt with light blue sleeves and a character of some sort you don’t recognize on the front along with some jeans and red flats. She has red glasses on with slight points at the ends and has light blue eyes behind them. She has a similar if not slightly worse buck tooth situation to Jake but, whether it be your homosexuality or not you can’t tell, it doesn’t look as endearing on her. She’s smiling at you but in a way that screams that she’s only tolerating you and would rather just be alone with Jake.

She seems enamored with Jake in fact and is standing just a bit too close to him for it to be platonic but Jake seems oblivious to it. “It’s nice to see you again chap! This is my friend Jane!” She flinches a little at being called his friend but it’s something that likely only you could see because of how subtle it is. You nod at her but say nothing and she returns the favor minus the gesture. Jake seems utterly blind to the awkward hostility between you and Jane that you would rather not be a part of thank you very much and begins chatting with the both of you. The conversation goes on way too long for your liking and by the looks of it for Jane’s liking as well. Finally, the start of classes gets Jake to allow you both to go and you hurry off both so you aren’t late and to get out of there as soon as possible. 

You end up going to the bathroom during your second class, the class you know Roxy has a teacher who could care less about her texting during class, and send her a bit of a panicked message, knowing that your professor won’t even notice if you don’t come back to class at all much less if you take a little too long to return. 

TT: Rox do you think you can get out of class right now?

TG: Oh shit what up something wrong DirkaDirk?

TT: Kinda. It’s about Jake.

TG: Oof yeah. I’ll say it’s that time of the month and call you soon.

You shake your head, wishing she hadn’t told you what excuse she was going to use, and wait for her to call you. About three minutes later your phone rings and you answer it right away. “Heya Dirky whats up?” “Jake stopped me at the doorway this morning.” “Oooo you think he likes you?” You stop to think for a moment. Was that even a possibility? You didn’t even know if he liked men so how could he ever like you? You shake your head before remembering this isn’t a video chat for once and speaking. You’re really glad no one is around to have seen you make that mistake as you talk your sister slash mom over the phone. “No.” You can practically feel her roll her eyes at your negativity and pout. “I don’t believe you but fine. Then why did you need to call me so bad Dirky poo?” Yeah, this is the kind of stuff that makes you glad you know she’s supportive of you being only into men even if you didn’t really like labeling it in any way and also that she’s your step sister because otherwise, you’d think she was flirting with you when she said things like that.

“Well, it’s… Basically, when he invited me over he was already talking to this girl and she seemed really really into him.” “Oh boy. That is school call worthy. Ok. Do you think Jake knows?” As Roxy says that she slips into her serious business voice and you relax knowing that she thinks this is just as serious as she always does when you actually feel strongly about something in those rare occasions where you do. It makes you feel like it is important and like how you feel about this is important and matters. “I don’t know probably not? At least he didn’t seem to. He didn’t acknowledge her obvious attempts to get in his shorts at least.” “Huh. Well, then the thing that needs to happen is finding out which way he swings if he swings at all or if his swing is just going in all the ways.” There’s Roxy, even when serious she can’t help making a joke but also trying to be as all inclusive in the joke as possible. It’s nice to know she cares like that especially about a community you not only are a part of but care so deeply about as well. But back on focus. Jake.

“Yeah. But how do I do that?” “You ask him duh. I thought you were the smart one Dirky.” “Ok first of all Roxy you are smart too and second of all it’s more complicated than that.” You hear the bathroom door open as someone comes in only to hear your voice and instantly duck out again and you go quiet for a bit, allowing Roxy to speak before you can finish your thought entirely. “And how is that? You just go up to Jake and say, ‘hey guy just wondering but who are into like, romantically and sexually and shit? Men women both something in between neither all what’s up?’ That seems pretty simple to me Dirky.” You groan softly. “Roxy it just isn’t that easy.” “Oh come on Dirk just do it!” “Roxy do even realize how awkward of a question that is? It can be a very personal thing for some people too so what if he thinks I’m digging too much? Roxy, I can’t just ask him and risk ruining what I already have with him.” She sighs deeply at you and you can almost feel her shaking her head at you. “Ok, Dirky but I still say you should ask him so you at least know. But you do you buga boo.” Now you know she’s smirking at you and it’s your turn to shake your head. “Yeah yeah. Thanks, Rox. You should get back to class.” “You too Dirk! You may be smart but you need your classes, you dork!” You roll your eyes. “Yeah whatever Rox. See you later.” “See you Dirky!” With that, she hangs up.

You spend a little while longer sitting there thinking about what you should do. Ask him and risk everything? Or leave it and never know if he’s even into dudes to ever be into you in the first place? What if you do ask and he’s not into dudes? What then? You… You don’t want to risk it but now that the idea has been planted into your mind you can’t stop thinking about it. Even when you do eventually head back to class you’re not paying any attention, instead continuing to debate what you should do over and over in your head. Your third class comes along, phy ed, and only then do you snap out of it and even then it’s only because you see that he shares this class with you for the first time.

You’re simply walking out from the changing rooms and into the gym to wait for class to start when you see him waving to you. The gym uniform is a pair of really short shorts and a t-shirt with the school logo on the front and his must be a size too small because it hugs his body just a bit. It's a really good look on him. Or maybe he just looks really good. Or both. Probably both. He jogs over to you and speaks excitedly. “Hello, chap! Didn’t know you took phy ed right now.” You nod, just barely tearing your gaze away from his legs and to his face. “I do.” “Wonderful! It’ll be great to have a chum here to work out with!” He wraps his arm around your shoulder and you fight to keep from going bright red at the contact and even with that, you know your cheeks tinge a light pink. Jake thankfully doesn’t seem to notice as he chuckles and before you too can chat more class begins.

And then the announcement comes.

You’re starting the wrestling curriculum and will be doing it for the next couple of weeks.

Oh boy.

And to make matters worse the couch splits people up based on muscle mass and weight and you end up in Jake’s group with him. You never really think about it, try not to at least, but you do have a decent amount of muscle on your body despite not actively working out any time but phy ed anymore. Jake seems really happy with the groups so even if you aren’t so sure about them yourself you don’t argue over how things might be better split into experience level.

As you would later find out that might not even make a difference in your placing anyway.

You breeze through your first couple of fights. You don’t have wrestling experience per say but you are good at telling what people are going to do next and countering it as well as just knowing what strategy to go for and this isn’t exactly your first time in a fight so you can take a good amount of hits even if you do somehow get in a bad spot. Besides most of the people, you have to go against aren’t quite jocks but not quite wimps either. People who work out casually but not for any particular goal so they don’t have any training in this kind of stuff at all. Well, there is one kid who did wrestling in high school as he openly brags before your match with him starts but you get through him without too much trouble as well. You later would hear his friend’s making fun of him for bragging like that when he only took one year of wrestling in seventh grade before giving up but for now, you had a bigger fish to fry.

One that came from the Pacific and yet had a British accent.

It was time for you to go up against Jake.

Jake squared up with you with a smirk on his face that was bordering on an overconfident grin. Or at least you thought it would be overconfident. Then he came at you out of nowhere, no tells, no preparation, just ran at you. You almost had to flash step to dodge him but luckily your natural speed was just enough to get out of the way without you having to go that far and getting people all over you asking about that. You wanted to be left alone not hounded by people asking where you learned how to do something like that. Even without your flash step people could tell this would be a more serious match than anything else that had gone down so far would’ve been and you could feel the eyes on you as people in your groups and a few of the others who had been in other groups stopped talking to each other to watch the match. 

Jake seemed surprised with your dodge just as you had been surprised by his lack of tells but he showed it more openly and so you took the chance to go for a more aggressive move than you normally would, getting the sense you needed to end this fast if you wanted to get these eyes off you as well as if you wanted to be safer about this. Only when you locked up with him, hands on his shoulders, he didn’t fall or even stagger as you had expected him to. He had a lot more staying power than you had anticipated both for his experience and muscle mass. This shocked and worried you a little. How hadn’t he been knocked over despite the attack likely being a surprise right after the shock of your dodge? Plus you weren’t exactly weak. Not super strong either but not weak by a long shot. Physically you were built for speed but you had a good amount of strength in your arms as well. It was a lot like how your mind was most effective at predicting things quickly but had good computing power for other kinds of calculations too. Although just like your weakness was social situations when it came to your mind Jake seemed to almost instantly pick up on your physical weakness. You weren’t made to last. A long fight would tire you out fast if he kept you on your feet and moving.

He smirked just a bit wider as you tried to figure out what to do next after your failed attempt to knock him over and he started pushing against you. You, of course, had to push back in order to stay on your feet but after a couple moments, you managed to break away again. He wasn’t going to let you get away that quickly though and he instantly went for another bull rush. He had you on the run and he knew it too. Your defenses weakened with each passing second until you knew it was now or never. You dodged out of the way of his rush one last time before trying your aggressive attack from before again, hoping he was getting tired just as you were and you could get him over. From there you had no plan on what to do and you didn’t get to come up with one either. 

Turns out he was not nearly as tired as you were. He was like a bull, built to last and strong to boot. As you grappled with him your speed was lowered and he managed to hook your leg and get you onto your back with him above you. This was when it hit you just how close he was to you. His face was literal inches from yours and you could feel your legs tangled together and you both had your hands on each other's shoulders. It also didn’t help that his crotch was mere centimeters from yours. Seriously you were afraid that if you at all showed how much this position was affecting you down there that he would notice it. Luckily you managed to keep your blood away from there. Unluckily that meant it had nowhere else to go but your face. You felt your body go still as the heat came to your face alerting you to its red state but Jake didn’t seem to notice that all the fight had gone out of you as the student referee the couch had assigned to your group so he could monitor the jocks so they didn’t kill each other decided your lack of movement meant Jake had pinned you and Jake, therefore, had won. 

Jake stood up, getting off of you, and cheered, fist bumping the air in excitement and joy at having been the one to finally get the better of you. You quickly reigned in your blush, hoping that Jake’s body had shielded it from your other fellow student’s view earlier, and stood up as well, keeping your face void of emotion. Attention remained on you and Jake for a couple more moments before students slowly returned back to their conversations. 

You felt the tension that had gathered in you leave as their gazes did but you tensed again instinctively when you felt a hand slap onto your shoulder with just a bit too much force. You flinch a little at the blow and focus back on what’s in front of you to see that the hand on your shoulder belongs to a happily grinning Jake English. “That was a good fight you put up there chap! I almost thought I would lose!” He chuckles and you can’t help but think about how he could’ve even wondered if he would win when he somehow read into and used your weakness to his advantage almost as well as you could’ve with any other opponent. And he had shown no signs of being in any danger of losing either. “I haven’t had a good fisticuff like that in a long time!” That catches your attention. In a while? So he had wrestled before? Or did he mean fisticuffs as in just in general fighting? Did he even fully understand what that word meant or was he just using it because it fit his British thing he had going for him? Did he have fighting training or was it a casual thing? You had so many questions but it seemed none of them would get answered right then as class ended and Jake ran off, waving to you as he left.

Only as you were waiting in the lunch line, having gotten there slower than usual and therefore having to wait much longer than normal to get your food, would you realize that you had missed the perfect chance to ask the big question Roxy had told you to ask just one class before during phy ed. You had missed the chance to ask if Jake was into dudes. And now you just had even more questions that needed answers than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much! I don't think I've ever gotten so much immediate support on anything I've ever written and it's really motivating for my writing so thank you all so much!


	3. Help Out a Buddy Would You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk needs some help in order to help Jake

You finish grabbing your lunch and head out to your spot and find Jake once again sitting there. He smiles and waves as you approach and greets you happily when you sit down. “Hello, chap!” “Hey.” There’s a bit of a pause after your response and the awkwardness crawls under your skin even as it seems not to affect Jake in the slightest. Eventually, you have to say something just to get rid of the silence and so before you can stop yourself you ask the big question that has returned to the front of your mind again. “Are you LGBT+ in any way, Jake?” He stops, surprised by the words that suddenly erupt from your mouth and it takes everything you have not to start nervously rambling like Dave would. Why did you say that? Now you’ve probably gone and ruined everything just like you always do. He’s going to hate you now. He’s going to be offended or even worse a homophobe and you’re going to have ruined everything with your dumb big mouth.

You watch him carefully as he blushes and stutters a bit. “Why do you ask chum?” You shrug, fighting hard to keep your exterior as cool and blank as always even as your interior flips it’s shit over your words. “No real reason. Just curious I guess.” He looks away from you, visibly shy and nervous. “Oh well I’m still trying to figure some things out and at the moment I’m flipping between pansexual and homosexual.” You stop dead. He… You actually had a chance. A decent one too. He was actually LGBT+ and beyond that, he was possibly gay like you. This was… amazing. You didn’t know what to say. Or at least your brain didn’t. Your mouth had other plans, seemingly having grown a mind of its own from the moment you sat down with Jake again under this tree. “Oh well, I’m homosexual and homoromantic. So yeah. Maybe I could help you with figuring out what you are?”

He turns back to you and smiles wide and you just barely hold back a blush as he speaks with a massive amount of enthusiasm and excitement in his voice, his eyes sparkling like emeralds. “Really? You would do that for me?” “Well yeah, of course, I would. You’re like… The one friend I actually have so I… I kinda really want to keep you and help you and stuff you know?” Why? Why were you saying all this? He didn’t need to know all this. He never needed to know about your weaknesses. No one did. Why were you telling him about all of this? Why couldn’t you just shut up and stay silent like you usually did? Why was your mouth ruining everything for you right now?

His face softens considerably at your words and even more, regret surges through you. “Chap I… You don’t have to help me. I’m still going to be your friend if you don’t Dirk.” Hearing him use your name... You don’t exactly know why but it makes everything feel even more important and it makes your entire world shrink to just him even more than it had before. The world around you melted until all you could see was his gently smiling face with those kind soft green eyes and that caring smile of his. Everything was him and he was all that mattered. “Yeah I…, Of course, I know that I just… You know want to help you.” His smile widens again at your confirmation and he almost bounces where he sits. “Wonderful! Thank you so much chap! Oh! You should have my pesterchum so we can message later.” “Oh yeah of course.” He writes it down on a piece of paper quick before handing it to you and you just kinda dumbly hold it, still watching him. Students start heading in again and so he pops up, waves to you and says goodbye, and dashes off, leaving you sitting there staring after him just as you had after your failed attempt to kick him out of your spot the other day.

You weren't sure if this counted as your spot anymore now that you thought about it.

But that’s not exactly the main thing on your mind right now.

What is, however, is everything that just went down.

Your body moves on autopilot, your anxiety over being late the only thing keeping you from just sitting there and even then you aren’t really even making your body stand and then walk. It’s completely on what it’s used to doing, not what you’re telling it to do. You’re just walking as your mind is filled with thoughts about what just happened. Not only did he tell you he was almost definitely into dudes but he accepted your help in finding out what exactly his sexuality was, something that is deeply personal for most people. All people in your experience really. It was utterly mind-blowing and you were so in shock that you walked right past your class and had to double back after realizing you didn’t recognize where you were.

You think about it all right through your class and only really come out for a brief moment when Jake waves to you before English starts before you get lost in your own head again.

When you go home you go through your routine robotically until after dinner.

You are about to go about working on your projects when you remember that in order to help Jake with this thing he for some reason almost too willingly accepted your help with you actually need to message him on pesterchum. You pull the note out of your pocket that you had nearly forgotten about and look at it for the first time. GolgothasTerror. Huh. From one of the many random fact recesses you have deep in your brain, you manage to come up with the fact that Golgotha is a Jewish thing having to do with skulls. At least that’s what you remember. Hell for all you know it could be the exact opposite of that but it’s the best you got. Blame the ever deeper infinity of your mind if that thing fucked up. You don’t even remember where you learned that fact. Maybe one of your three am internet scrolls you do and barely ever remember when the sleep deprivation finally catches up to you. Whatever.

What would this kid have to do with that anyway? You mean, your not one to judge on appearances but the kid didn’t look all that religious so you didn’t peg him as the type to have it there for that reason. Maybe he just wanted to use skull but someone else had already used that so he went to the next synonym he could find online? That was certainly something you could see happening. Maybe someday you’d get the nerve to ask him. Ha yeah right. 

You manage to log into the thing and get to the add a chum section before freezing up. What if he had been joking? What if it had been a prank and you’d just been so far lost in his face and eyes and your own god damn emotions that you’d missed it? You mean, he was almost as predictable as all the other people you knew but somehow this didn’t feel like something that was possible. There was just the nagging voice saying that it very much was. That all of this could be some big trick and that as soon as you’d messaged him he’d laugh in your face or even worse he’d let it go on for even longer to get more laughs out of your blindness. Something told you that all of this was just too good to be true. That there was no one someone like him could ever be into you much less want you to help them with something like this or even want to be friends with you at all. Something told you that all of this would come crumbling down over and on top of you.

Just like everything always did.

Just because of who you were. 

You feel eyes on your back out of nowhere but you don’t react until you hear Dave clear his throat. You turn to face him and find him leaning against your room’s doorway, one eyebrow raised at you. “Something up bro?” You shake your head at him but because he’s Dave he can tell that this silent is one of anxiety and fear rather than your normal just you being you silence. He walks over you casually as you turn around completely in your chair. “Come on Dirk what’s up? I can tell you’ve got something going on in that massive head of your’s so why don’t you just spit it out so your good old brother can help you out with whatever ails you like a therapist but less poky proady tell me about how you feel about this inkblot.” Just listening to Dave talk his own mouth off for a bit helps you grasp things since you have something else to focus on. “Dave chill. No need to talk your mouth off.” It’s low hanging fruit to get him to talk more and he knows it but he also knows that this is your way of asking him to help you in the way he does best.

“Bro you know I can’t do that. My lips don’t shut around anything but a popsicle. And dick. And dick shaped popsicles. Cold and creamy. Whoops, I’m getting too gay again. But oh wait it’s you is that even a possibility? I don’t think it is. I mean look at you you just scream I’m a fucking rainbow so all you gay fucks come over here and we can have one big gay orgy and barf even more rainbows than that pony Rainbow Dash that you like can fart out of her gay ass in ten seconds flat.” You both know that he watches MLP with you half the time and just pretends that it’s torture but for once you let him continue to flap his yap rather than say anything about it. “Speaking of ten seconds flat that’s how fast it’d take for you to out gay her in a gay-off by the way. Shit, how would a gay-off even work? Would there be like, judges or something saying yep this guy is definitely the gayest or would it be a giving in type thing or what? And how would the gay even be measured like would you go around and see how many of the same gender you pick up compared to how many of the opposite gender try to get some of that? Nah, cause that would be hella unfair to those of us like me and you who are just sexy to everyone no matter if they’d actually be into our gender normally and shit.”

You get the feeling that if you just let Dave go like this he’d completely forget about your stress and you almost think you would too but then what would happen when Jake didn’t get a message from you if this somehow was legit? He would probably lose trust in you if he didn’t just straight up hate you forever and that was almost as bad as the possibility that this was all just a prank so you clear your throat to knock Dave off track subtly as to not embarrass him too much. You know he appreciates it when you do that. “Oh uh yeah anyway dude you gonna tell me what’s up or what?” “Yeah I just, needed to get out of my head for a sec. Thanks, Dave.” “No problem man.” He smiles at you and you give him a small smile back before both of you drop your faces back to stoic.

“So like, I don’t know if you talked to Roxy recently cause if you did you probably already know part of the issue.” “Ooohh so it’s about that Jake did she got so excited about you liking. Dude, what’s up? He not into dudes or something?” “You see that’s the thing. He very likely is but he can’t decide whether he’s pan or homo. And he asked me to help him.” Well technically you asked him if he would let you help but Dave doesn’t need to know about your massive mistake. You can tell that Dave’s eyes go wide behind his shades even if you can’t see them. “Holy shit.” “Yeah. And he gave me his pesterchum too.” Dave whistles. “Damn. I’m not exactly seeing a problem here bro. Seems like you’ve got everything going your way.” “See that’s what I was thinking. But what if it’s not going my way like it seems to be?” He raises an eyebrow at you, confused. “It just seems too good to be true you know? What if it’s all some big prank?”

Dave shakes his head at you, used to your worries and fears by now, you’ve lived with him and Roxy as your only outlets for stress for long enough that both of them can read you like a book even if sometimes you’d prefer they not be able to that. Ok a lot of the time you’d prefer that but sometimes it does come in handy that they know everything about you from your fears to exactly how to show you that those fears are unfounded in a way that you’ll actually get your head out of your ass for long enough to actually listen to and accept. “Dirk man come on. I don’t know much about this Jake dude, Roxy was much too busy squealing about you to talk about him so I don’t have the scoop yet, but you know that even if this is a prank, which I doubt because once again, Roxy showed no signs of worry over this at all quite the opposite really, you know that me and her have your backs. Jake won’t know what hit him if he even dares try to hurt you.” Dave gives you a little smirk and you can’t help but give one back, your shoulders relaxing. You hadn’t even realized how tense you had been until now. It felt good to know that no matter what you had people who would be there to help you through everything. To know that you had people who cared about you for you even if at times you didn’t know why.

“Thanks, Dave.” “Hey, no problem Dirk. Just doing my duty as your little bro.” You chuckle, both of you knowing full well you being related had next to nothing to do with it. “Yeah well still. Thanks. Now get out of here, I’ve got a cute boy to talk to.” He chuckles again as you wave a hand at him and turn your chair around though you keep your eyes on him long enough to see him turn and wave briefly to you as he left. “Yeah, you do. You woo him good bro. Make the Strider name proud.” You chuckle again as your bedroom door closes just as silently as it always opened like usual and go back to looking at your screen, feeling determined enough to at least try this now.

You click add chum and type in the name and message him.

TT: Hey.

TT: It’s Dirk

You nearly slap yourself for forgetting that he doesn’t have your pesterchum yet as you had been too stunned to offer it to him earlier. You hope he didn’t mind that. He hadn’t seemed to so maybe you were safe. You hoped you were.

GT: Oh!

GT: Good to hear from you chap!

You two chat idly for a while as you avoid getting to the real topic at hand, your nerves quickly creeping back in on you. But finally, you steal yourself and say that the two of you should meet up sometime so you can talk about his situation. He doesn’t catch on to what exactly you mean by that you don’t think but he doesn’t make a fuss about it or even ask you to elaborate which you are more than happy with and so you set up with him to meet up on Saturday on campus. You had suggested that for simplicity’s sake since there was no chance of either of you getting lost or anything that way. You had expected to meet up in the library or something but he jumps at the chance to suggest something else and gets the words on the screen faster than you can get yours on there somehow despite your fast typing fingers from a long time of working on the computer doing this and that. Mostly coding.

He suggests you meet under what he calls ‘the lunch tree’.

He wants to meet you at your spot.

Or is it even your spot anymore?

Just like the first time he came to your spot you can’t say no to him. Can’t tell him to pick somewhere else. And so you have no choice but to say yes.


	4. Hanging Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk spends some time with his crush. Not everyone approves.

The next day is Saturday and as such the day you are scheduled to go meet up with Jake. 

You go to the campus and find Jake already sitting there waiting despite you purposefully waking up early as to get there by six in the morning in the hopes of buying yourself some time to think. You contemplate going to hide for a bit but before you can retreat, Jake spots you. He lights up and waves to you from where he sits under the tree enthusiastically. “Hello, chap!” “Hey.” You sit down next to him and try to act calm. 

“Well, are you ready for this experience chum?” “Ready as I’ll ever be.” “Great! Thanks again for doing this Dirk.” “Hey like I said I want to help you. It’s really no problem.” He chuckles and you can’t help but smile just a bit at him.

Time passes and you help Jake the entire time. Finally, it gets to be lunch time and Jake seems to have figured out what he is. “I think I have it. I think I am pansexual but homoromantic.” You smile. “That’s cool.” “Thank you so much, Dirk, for helping me figure this out.” “No problem Jake. Really.” He chuckled. “So what now chap?” You tilt your head in confusion. “What do you mean Jake?” “What are we going to do now?”

You hadn’t thought about that. Honestly, you had thought that you either wouldn’t be able to help and this would just be a waste of time Jake would hate you for, or you would figure it out and then just go home and not keep hanging out. But you do want to hang out with him more. You're also worried though. What if you fuck something up? You don’t want to lose the chance to be with me and you really don’t want to lose him as a friend either. You care about him too much. You’ve fallen too far too fast and now you don’t know how to recover or even how to move forward.

“I don’t really know Jake. You got anything in mind that we could do?” His face lights up. “Oh! I know we could go explore the city! It could be an adventure!” He seems really excited for this quote on quote adventure so you can’t bear to comment on the fact that you, having grown up here, already know literally every inch of the city. Besides the city is something you know so that might help with your fear at least a bit. You hope.

“Sure why not.” He cheers and bounces up onto his feet. You get up as well and he starts leading the way off campus so you two can go explore. It’s actually a lot more fun than you thought it would to just walk around with him and watch him get excited over every little thing. Hell at one point he spots an ice cream shop and insists the both of you go inside. You learn he has a peanut allergy when he asks the clerk about if any of the flavors have nuts in them and from there he orders a chocolate and you order a rainbow sherbert just for the irony of it. If Jake catches on to your joke he doesn’t mention it and instead just happily eats his ice cream as the two of you keep exploring. Watching the happiness and joy on his face lifts your spirits and it takes almost no time at all for you to completely forget you were ever nervous in the first place. Or that fear is even a thing you can feel. You find yourself smiling despite your normal control over your ever stoic face but you also find yourself not giving any fucks about it.

Eventually, it does start to get dark though and Jake does say he has to head home. You wish you could spend more time with him and for once you express clearly how you feel and he smiles at you. He doesn’t get disgusted or angry or call you clingy. He shows no signs of being unhappy with you in the slightest. Instead, he smiles that lovely smile of his at you and speaks in his charming British accent that you’ve stopped caring about the logistics of. “Hey, it’s not like we can’t pesterchum. And we can always meet up again tomorrow if you aren’t busy!” That’s another thing that never would’ve occurred to you. Mostly because you’ve never really had someone to hang out with like this before but still. The idea that you could hang out two days in a row for the entire day was new to you but you loved it. You loved the thought of getting to see Jake again tomorrow. So you readily accept and plan to meet up at the spot under the tree again to start tomorrow.

You watch for a moment as he waves to you and then runs off to get home.

Then it hits you like a ten-ton weight thrown at you at fifty miles an hour.

This was like a date. 

Tomorrow was like a date.

Did Jake just ask you on a date?

No he couldn’t have he had no idea you liked him and before this morning he hadn’t even been sure what his orientation was both sexually and romantically. In fact, you were inclined to believe he hadn’t even known it was possible for them to be separate things until you had mentioned it when you had told him you were into only men both romantically and sexually and even then you had a feeling he hadn’t really gotten it until you helped him today. There was absolutely no way that Jake had thought about today as a date and there was no way he had intended tomorrow to be a date either. There was just no way.

You shake your head of the invading thoughts and start on your way back home. You arrive at around nine and find Bro on the couch in the living room when you come in. He doesn’t turn his head but you know his eyes are on you. You just know it. They always are after all. He’s always watching to catch when you make a mistake. Always there to tell you what you did wrong and how stupid you are for doing what you did. Always there to clean up after you and then punish you for what you did. 

You try to ignore him and walk to your room but you stop when he speaks aloud. It’s just one word. One syllable. But it makes your blood run cold. “Dirk.” You turn to him slowly. “Yeah, Bro? What’s up?” “Where have you been?” Hearing your big brother speak is always nerve wrecking since he barely ever does it but this just feels even worse somehow. “Just you know, walking around the city. No big deal.” He stares you down silently and you fight not to nervously shift on your feet as he does so. Eventually, he must deem the reason good enough and you feel his gaze leave you as your signal to get the fuck out of there which you gladly do, retreating to your bedroom and shutting the door behind yourself before sliding down it.

If there’s one thing that scares you it’s Bro.

So much for your good day.

You sigh before getting up and heading over to your computer to try and distract yourself for the night. You start with some videos and then move on to some blueprints before starting to tinker around with your latest code. About two hours in you get a ding from pesterchum. You expect Roxy or Dave but instead, you see Jake’s pesterchum.

GT: I had a lot of fun today and I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow!

You pause. Oh. You hadn’t been expecting that at all. But… Somehow it makes you forget about Bro if only for a little. It makes some of the pain disappear and your heart rises a bit. 

TT: I had fun too.

TT: I looking forward to tomorrow as well.

GT: Oh you’re up!

GT: I just wanted to say that before I went to bed!

You smile softly and chuckle at him. He’s such a goofball. You’ve really fallen for him.

TT: That’s chill.

TT: Night man.

GT: Night chap!

You stare at your screen for a while just thinking about Jake. He’s sweet and cute if a bit oblivious at times but he’s far from dumb. He’s adventurous and always optimistic and curious. You love him so much and even look him up quite a bit too. He’s everything that you wish you could be really.

You don’t know how long you sit there staring at his text and thinking about him but eventually, you do get back to work and then to bed later that night. Well more like morning as usual but still.

The next day rolls around and you go to meet Jake again in the morning. 

He’s sitting there and he jumps up and runs over to you quickly. “Hello, chap!” You smile softly and wave. “Hey, Jake.” You don’t even realize that you’re smiling really. You don’t notice how much your guard has dropped with Jake and how openly you are displaying your emotions. All you do notice is that you feel so calm and relaxed for the first time in your life when you’re here with Jake and it’s amazing. It’s amazing to not be constantly stressed. It’s amazing to not be constantly worried about every little way everything could go wrong and every little way you could end up hurt.

The both of you start exploring again, going the opposite way from the way you did yesterday, and he’s enamored by the sights. You, on the other hand, you’re more enamored by him. Entranced really. Like to the point where you barely ever take your eyes off of him. He’s amazing in every way and you’ve completely given your heart to him and he doesn’t even know it. He doesn’t even know how much power he has over you. More power than anyone else has ever had or ever will have. He could crush you and ruin you completely so easily and he wouldn’t even know what he was doing.

It’s perfect and terrible all at once.

And you love it.

And you love him.

You love him more than you could ever say. And not just because you’d be scared to.

Eventually, the day ends again and Jake turns to you with the sunset behind him. The lighting looks perfect against his caramel skin and even if you hadn’t already been staring at him you definitely would be now. He looks amazing. No more than that. He looks perfect. “I had a lot of fun these past two days.” He’s smiling at you and you can feel your cheeks heat up a bit. “Uh yeah. Me too.” “I hope we can do this again sometime chap.” “Of course we can Jake. Anytime you want.” You smile at him and he smiles wider in response before you both exchange goodbyes and go your separate ways for the night.

You get home again to Bro on the couch. You frown and hope that this time he doesn’t stop you. You feel like you jinxed yourself because seconds later you feel his gaze on you as you shut the front door and he says your name in that same monotone voice again just like yesterday. “Yeah, Bro?” You reply cautiously, scared. “You’re even later today.” “Am I? Sorry, Bro.” He stands up and you have to fight hard to keep at your full height, which only reaches to about his chin, rather than shrink down in fear. “What were you doing?” “Just wandering the city again.” “Alone?” “Well no but that doesn’t matter right?” He frowns a bit at your words and you instantly know you’ve made a huge mistake despite the change being almost unnoticeable. “It does.” “Yeah fuck sorry course it does. You wouldn’t be asking if it didn’t.” He nods. “Strife. Now.” With that, there’s a gust of wind and he’s gone, flash stepped out of sight. You curse aloud quietly at your luck and your dumb head for getting you into this mess before going to get your sword and heading up to the roof.

When you finally come back down you have to make a pit stop in the bathroom to grab the first aid kit before holing yourself up in your bedroom again. You have cuts on your arms and chest and your shirt is ruined but it’s not the worst you’ve had by a long shot. Your pants are a little scuffed and your knees are a bit scraped and sore but it’s not bad by any measure so you focus on your cuts. You bandage yourself up and pick out a long-sleeved shirt to wear tomorrow before going over to your computer to allow your work to drown out your pain both physical and mental.

Your only hope is that Jake doesn’t notice anything tomorrow which you figure is a fifty-fifty chance knowing him.

You hope you get lucky for once in your damn life.


	5. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk has a lot of different kinds of pain.

You go to school the next day in your long-sleeved shirt just as planned and everything goes as normal. Dave gives you a knowing and sympathetic look as you leave and you feel guilty but it’s nothing new and soon you’re at school again.

Everything is normal until phy ed. You change into your uniform and cringe as you see that the short sleeve openly display your bandages. And you and Jake were in a group together and people are going to be excited for the rematch meaning everyone is going to see them. And Jake will too. Jake will see that you’re hurt. What will he think? What will he do?

You stay in the changing area for as long as you can before heading out, trying to act as if nothing is wrong or strange. As if nothing is different at all.

That lasts all of ten seconds before Jake comes over to you, worry on his face. “Dirk, what happened to you? Why are your arms all bandaged up? Are you ok to wrestle today? I’m sure the coach would let you rest today if you can’t.” You shake your head. You can’t do that. That was weak. That was running. That wasn’t the Strider way. “I’m fine Jake it’s nothing.” “Sure doesn’t look like nothing chap!” “Really I’m fine Jake.” Jake stares at you worriedly for a bit and you can’t bear to look at him like that. You look down at the ground just as he called away for a match. That worry on his face had scared you. Scared and worried you. Both for your safety and for his. This was more than a matter of your love being rejected you now remembered. This was a matter of safety. His safety. Your heart wasn’t the only thing on the line. If you confessed and he rejected you then your heart was broken yes but if he said yes then… 

Well, he would be open to pain both metaphorically and not metaphorically. 

You couldn’t have that.

You could never tell him how you felt. Never. That was doubly as true now.

He seemed off his game as you watched him and he kept glancing back at you. You tried your hardest to act normal and not pick at the bandages on your arms nervously just so your hands had something to do. They practically twitched with the need to do something anyway and you were trying to keep them from doing anything at all. Eventually, he finished and came back to you just in time for you both to be called for a rematch.

He frowned deeply but both of you had no choice but to go for the fight. He squared up with you and you squared up with him in turn. But neither of you made a move. People watched you and you felt the expectation to fight surrounding you but you just couldn’t. You didn’t feel like you could go up against him and not just because of your injury. Eventually, the eyes got to you though and you tried to grapple with him. He hesitated to even put his hands on you though. It dug at you even more than the eyes on you. He thought you were weak. He thought you were fragile. He thought you were breakable. You couldn’t look at him. Everything hurt inside. Eventually, you break away from him easily and head over to the couch. You tell him you need to use the bathroom and before you can even get permission you leave. You don’t even go to the bathroom, instead, you head straight outside, not even caring if anyone saw you or got in trouble but no one sees you. You get out onto the campus and head for the one spot you feel at least decently safe in this place. Your tree. Your spot.

Or at least what had been your spot.

You sit down and only then realize that you’ve been picking at your bandages the whole time. One of the white bandages is peeled back almost all the way back to the cut. You force your hands away and try to keep the still at the same time as trying to calm down your raging emotions. The anger and pain and sadness that fills you. You try to stomp it down and hide it away forever. Your fingers start to fiddle with each other and peel at the skin on each other and all you can do is sit and stare at them.

Then someone grabs your hands. Someone with a strong grip and caramel skin. Rough worked palms and fingertips. 

You freeze still and stare at the new hands around both of yours for a while before slowly looking up. 

Sure enough Jake is on his knees in front of you with a worried look on his face that sends guilt right into you to mix with all your other emotions. “Dirk are you ok? What’s going on?” You ignore his question and pose some of your own. “What are you doing out here? How did you get out of class?” He looks a bit embarrassed and glances down. “I just ran out after you.” He looks back up, worried again. “I needed to make sure you were ok. Are you ok Dirk?” You look away this time. “I’m fine Jake. I just- I needed to get out of there. I’m fine.” He doesn’t seem to believe you. You don’t blame him.

“Dirk chum please I want to help you. Is there anything I can do?” You hesitate. You aren’t used to getting help in a situation like this. You aren’t used to anyone knowing you get like this at all. It’s uncharted and unfamiliar territory. “I… maybe just sit with me for a bit… Talk or something.” Jake nods and, without letting go of your hands, shifts back so he’s in a more relaxed position on his knees. “I can do that I suppose. What should I talk about?” You shrug. “Anything that comes to mind I guess.” He nods and glances around for something to talk about. Eventually, he looks up and seems to get an idea. “Why don’t we watch the clouds and talk about what they look like together? That usually helps me relax.” You can’t imagine Jake ever being in a situation where he would need to relax but you nod anyway. He smiles at you and looks up again, this time with you looking up as well.

There’s a pause while he picks a cloud before he speaks again. “I see… a bunny. A lop-eared bunny.” You follow his gaze and you suppose it kinda looks like a bunny. You’re having trouble seeing much of anything in the clouds. Your focus is still how weak Jake must think you are for all of this. “And over there next to it is a frog.” His voice is much calmer than it usually is, more toned down and with less energy. You cloud gaze with Jake for a long time and slowly you start to see more things in it as you relax and forget about everything that happened in the gym. Forget about the bandages on your arms. Forget about all the eyes that were always around you and on you. Forget about Bro. Forget about everything but Jake and his hands still holding yours and the clouds above your heads. 

Your relaxation suddenly shatters when one of the clouds seem to form a very similar shape and you tense, your hands gripping Jake’s on instinct as if tightening on the very thing that was in the sky.

A sword.

A katana to be exact you guess.

Jake seems to sense your distress and frowns as he looks back down to your face. You can’t look away from the cloud your eyes have locked on as it floats along the sky. You can almost see the glint of the metal, feel the coolness against your skin, hear the clang of it hitting your own weapon. Your own sword. If it even was yours really. Bro had given it to you when you were young, yeah but he was known to ‘give’ you things only to take it away again later as if it was his still. 

You finally snap your head back to Jake when he speaks, startled out of whatever trance you had been in by his voice. “Dirk? Is something wrong chap?” He’s still holding your hands and you feel his grip tighten again. “I- Yeah I’m fine Jake it’s nothing. Just saw something that brought back stuff I’d rather pretend never happened is all. It’s chill. Let's just… Wait for it to pass and then go back to cloud watching.” To be honest you're surprised Jake is even still here doing this with you. He doesn’t seem like the type to skip class. Of course, normally you aren’t either but you had to get out of there. “Chap come on. What’s going on with you? You’re worrying me.”

You’re worrying me. If only he knew how much power such simple words had over you. If only he knew about the wave of pure guilt that made your stomach twist as it filled your body. If only he knew how much it destroyed you and built you up simultaneously to have him worried about you.

“I- I’m sorry Jake. I’m so sorry.” You nearly break down into tears right there as your head falls to hang down sadly and your hands try to pull away from his in order to grip your shoulders. But he holds fast, gripping your hands so tight that they have no hope of pulling away, not that you truly wanted them to in the first place. “Dirk chap please there’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s ok to feel things. It’s ok to have emotions. It’s ok to get stressed and it’s ok to get overwhelmed. All I want to do is help you.” You shake and give out a weak sob at his words. How is he being so kind to you? Why does he care about you so much? How does he care about you so much? You’re just a good for nothing waste of space human being but here he is holding your hands tightly yet gently at the same time, rubbing his thumbs over the back of them calmingly and looking at you with that face. That face that holds so much emotion at all times. That face that holds so much joy but yet can express the deepest worry and sadness as well. That face with slightly chubby cheeks but a strong jaw. That face with caramel skin surrounding the deepest and most expressive green eyes you’ve ever seen. That face that holds those adorably charming buck teeth behind such kissable lips. That face that cares so deeply about you. That face that you love so much.

You shake before giving a weak sob and then Jake pulls you in close and shushes you, his arms switching to wrap around you. He’s holding you the same way he held your hands. Tight and close but gentle and caring. He’s rubbing your back now in soothing circles and his head fits just perfectly next to your own as you press it to where his neck meets his shoulder on instinct. “Hey hey hey chap it’s ok. Everything is just fine. You’re safe here. No one is going to hurt you. No one is going to stare at you. No one is going to judge you. It’s just you and me and everything is just fine.” His voice is very soft and gentle now as he speaks quietly, almost as if scared that talking too loudly would make you burst into tears like a baby. It’s… surprisingly comforting. You would think you would hate this and how vulnerable and weak it makes you and makes you look but it instead feels like this is what you were always missing. Like this is what you always needed.

It’s amazing.

You’re open and venerable and weak but it feels amazing and it’s all because of Jake. All because of his voice and arms surrounding you and encasing you in comfort and safety. You are safe. You are ok. Bro is at home. No one is here but Jake. Jake doesn’t care that you’re crying. Everything is ok.

You shake and give a few whimpers but no more sobs. A couple tears fall but not many. It doesn’t take you long to calm to just shaky breaths in Jake’s arms but even then he continues to just gently shush you and hold you close. You don’t mind. You don’t mind one bit. You just sit there for a good ten to fifteen minutes more before finally breaking away again slowly. He holds your upper arms softly then, looking over your face as you wipe the tears that managed to leave trails from your hidden eyes down your face. When you look back to him you see his face still holds that same worry for you. “I’m ok now. Thanks, Jake.” You try to reassure him, voice a bit quiet and choked up but otherwise fine. He looks you over and seems to believe you a little this time but not much. “If you say so chap. If you don’t mind me asking what was wrong in the first place chum? Both back in the gym and just a moment ago.”

You look away to the side, unable to meet his eyes. “It’s nothing for you to worry about Jake I’m fine. Just got a bit overwhelmed is all.” This time you know for a fact he isn’t buying your bullshit without you even having to see your face. After all who would believe it was nothing after someone so normally controlled as you cried? It was only a few tears yeah but still.

“Chap… Please.” Man, this guy is just as stubborn as your family is. 

“It’s just… Jake, I care about you and if I tell you anything you… Well, you could hate me. Or worse.” He seems confused. “Hate you? Dirk chum I could never hate you. You’re my best friend. One of my only friends really.” This catches you severely off guard. Best friend? One of his only friends? What? How? “And what do you mean worse anyway?” “I- First how am I one of your only friends? And your best friend? What about Jane? You seemed just as close to her as you are me.” Jake seems a bit frustrated with your continued avoidance of his questions but answers your questions anyway. “Well, I only just moved here remember? I had a few pen pals here which is why I chose here to move to for college once grandma let me but I’m not especially close to any of them really. And Jane well… She’s a special case I guess you could say.” Your heart twists at that. Special case? How so? Was he… Did he have a crush on her? The thought made you feel almost sick as dread filled you. You kept your face from showing your predicament however even as your stomach did flips and heart pained.

Before you can ask him to clarify though he interrupts you. “But gosh darn it chap enough with you asking me things and stop avoiding what I’m asking you! What do you mean worse? What all happened back there and here? What made you crack so badly?” You cringe at the reminder to your outburst, You didn’t want to think about how much of yourself had been shown there and how weak you had been. In fact, you wish you could forget about it forever. But Jake seems determined to find out what was going on, his eyes sparking with the fire of determination deep in their emerald green depths.

You sigh. “Well… I guess first you should know about Bro…”


	6. Too Many Overwhelming Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk has a lot to explain and regret along with many other emotions to feel.

Jake watches you as you begin to explain things to him, his gaze curious and worried. “Bro… Well, he’s me and Dave’s older brother. He’s about… Thirty maybe? Late twenties? Something like that. Either way he had to start taking care of us after me and Dave’s parents died in a car crash and well… He’s not the best at it. Not at all.” His eyes widen and you have to look away from him, turning your gaze downward. “You mean…?” You nod. “Yeah. And probably worse than you even think. He forces us never to show emotion and if we do we get punished. Punishments can range from fighting on the roof with swords to being locked in our bedrooms alone for a day or more. We can also get punished for not wearing our shades, disobeying him, not acting ‘cool’, not understanding his irony that half the time isn’t even irony, and losing fights on the roof. He almost never has food in the house either so most of the time school is the only time me and Dave have a decent meal. If he does have food in the house it’s shitty things like Doritos and orange soda. Sometimes apple juice but that’s more for ‘special occasions’ not that he lets us really celebrate anything. I don’t think me or Dave have ever really had a birthday party even. And then there’s his porn business. He has no shame whatsoever about which is ok I guess but on top of that he’s been leaving around his porn dolls he makes since I was like, four. Four and I already knew what sex was. Four and I knew what porn was. Four and I had sex toys falling on me in piles from who knows where. Four and I fought regularly with a sword. I was shitty at it but I would get better. I had to.” Jake seems horrified at your explanation of all the things your brother did to you and Dave. He seemed disgusted and it burned you down to your core. 

“Oh god Dirk I… Your bandages did he…” You nod again solemnly. “Yeah. He did. Turns out one of the many things he doesn’t like is me being out late.” It takes a moment for Jake to get it but when he does you watch as a wave of regret and guilt washes over him. “Dirk I… You should have told me you had to go I wouldn’t have minded. Now you’re hurt because of me and-” You shake your head right away and interrupt him. “No. You did nothing to me, Jake. He did this to me. I did this to me. I made the choice to stay with you even though I knew he might hurt me because I enjoy spending time with you, Jake. It was worth it.” “Dirk how could it ever be worth it?!” You pause before speaking.

“Because you’re the only non-family friend I have.” He stops and stares at you as you stare at the ground for a long time before you have to fill the silence again or risk breaking down a second time. “You make me happy Jake. You and Dave are all I have. I need you. I care about you so much. I-” You cut yourself off there before you can say it out of fear but he doesn’t seem to notice, instead suddenly hugging you again. 

“Dirk you’re my best friend. I care about you too. I need you too.” You have to stop to process this for a moment as he holds you tightly before you lean into his grasp and wrap your arms around him gently. “Thank you, Jake.” He chuckles a bit, seeming a bit choked up which makes you feel both guilty and sad as well as just a bit happy that you made him laugh instead of cry. “Don’t thank me just yet chap. I haven’t even gotten you out of there.” You freeze up before suddenly pulling back, slightly panicked. “Jake no. Don’t do anything. I’m only staying with him to protect Dave right now. He’ll be out of high school next year and off to college and then I’ll be moving out. Dave plans to live at his campus and I’ll be moving to live here on campus so it’ll be relatively cheap. We’ve been doing this and that for money to save up for years so you don’t need to do anything Jake. I promise everything is already planned and ready to go with the plan checked and double checked and triple checked all the time. I’m fine. Dave’ll be safe soon and then it’ll all be fine. So please Jake. Don’t do anything.” You hold his shoulders in a tight grip and he seems surprised by your sudden outburst of emotions. 

You don’t blame him.

“I… I’m sorry chap but I just can’t promise that. You and Dave are in a really bad spot and I can’t just sit back and watch that.” You feel your heartbeat get even faster. “Jake no I’m begging you.” “I’m sorry chap.” 

You get to your feet, looking around wildly. This can’t be happening this has to be a dream. Jake can’t do anything. If he does he could get hurt. You can’t see him hurt because of you. Bro has no moral compass whatsoever. He’s the definition of chaotic neutral just doing whatever the fuck he wants to. He’s dangerous and violent and he won’t hesitate to hurt Jake just like he does you and Dave. Won’t feel even a bit of guilt over it. Hell, he might even kill him. No no no no you can’t let him kill Jake. Jake can’t die. You need him. You love him and you need him. Him and Dave are all you care about and you need them both you can’t let either of them die.

You’re steadily getting more and more panicked, breathing quickly and sharply as your heart pounds with your hands pulled tightly to your chest as the top of your body curls slightly in on itself. Your legs are shaking and struggling to hold you up on your feet as you search for any kind of safe space away from sight and danger.

“Woah Dirk chap please calm down!” Jake gets to his feet and your head and eyes snap to him as fear courses through your veins. He’s got his hands out in front of him like he wants to touch you but is afraid to, or like you were a wild animal he was trying to tame. “Hey, Dirk chap it’s ok. He’s not here. He’s not going to hurt me. You’re ok. I’m ok. Everything is just fine.” You scan his face over and over with panicked eyes, adrenaline pumping through you and keeping you from calming even a slight bit. 

Slowly Jake takes a step towards you and you stumble back until your back hits the tree trunk behind you. Instantly he backs up again. “Hey hey hey, Dirk, I’m not going to do anything chap. I just want to help you.” You shake, your mind so overridden with fear that you can’t even register that Jake is not a threat. That Jake is not a danger. That Jake is the one thing that you cling to almost as much as you do to Dave. Everywhere you look is danger and things that will hurt you and things that will hurt the people you care about. Even the very person you care about so deeply seems like something that will hurt you.

Eventually, your fear makes you turn and take off at top speed and you run away from Jake even as he calls out for you, arm outstretched. You flash step and sprint like your life depends on it which to your panicked mind it does and eventually you find a nice little cranny behind the largest building. It’s not like your old safe zone where you could see anything and everything around you but it’s something. You stuff yourself as far back into the corner as your body will fit and curl up. Everything is a rush and you can’t even tell what your mind is doing it’s racing so fast. You almost feel like the world is whirling around you. 

You don’t know how long you sit there, probably long enough for class to end and lunch to start at the very least. Things calm a little but not much. Just enough for you to realize how stupid you had been to run away from Jake. He was no threat to you. No danger to you. At least not if you kept silent about your true feelings for him. And at least not if he didn’t do anything about Bro. Bro. Fuck you knew he’d find out about this somehow. He always did. No matter what. He always somehow knew when you fucked up. When you did something wrong. He would be pissed at you for all of this. Pissed at you for fucking up this badly. Pissed at you for breaking down so much. You were so dead when you got home. And Dave. If Bro was as pissed as you knew he would be at you he would hurt Dave too. He always did. You would be the cause of harm to Dave and it was all because of this fuck up of yours. All because of this. All because you fell in love with a guy named Jake English. 

You don’t know when your fear changed to such overwhelming guilt and sadness that you actually started to cry and sob quietly as you shook in your corner but you know it didn’t last long before you felt arms around you. This time the body you felt was distinctly female. Thin and curvy and familiar. You knew this person and their embrace without even having to look up at their face.

Roxy had found you.

Roxy had found you and everything would be ok now. All of it would be ok. It would all be ok. The world would be fine. You would be fine. Dave would be fine. Jake would be fine.

Slowly you were able to stop your crying as you leaned into the comfortable and familiar embrace of Roxy. In the back of your mind you knew all of this was just making matters worse but then in that moment nothing mattered but the safety you felt in that moment with Roxy.

After a while, Roxy pulls back and you wipe your eyes, this time pulling off your shades for a moment to do so. Roxy has seen your eyes before and you trust her not to do anything at the sight of them and at this point you really don’t think you can piss of Bro any more than you already have. “Sorry about that Rox.” “Dirky stop apologizing for this stuff it isn’t your fault.” Roxy replies to you sternly but caringly. “Yeah sure. Still. Anyway, how did you know to come to find me?” You look up at her. “Well, Jake messaged me and said you had run away from him and your spot by the tree once lunch started so I came to look for you.” You tilt your head, confused. “Wait what? Jake messaged you? How? You never said you knew him.” She smiles and giggles, shaking her head at you. “Dirky Dirky Dirky. When will you learn? I’m Roxy Lalonde, elite hacker.” You go back to deadpan. “You hacked into my phone to find his pesterchum didn’t you.” “Mhm!” “Oh my god Roxy do you even know how creepy you must have seemed when you messaged him?” “Actually he didn’t seem to even seem concerned at all with how I found him!” Yeah now that you think about it that actually did seem more like Jake. You sigh. “Still Rox that’s weird and creepy.” She giggles again. “Oh shush you! It benefited you didn’t it?” You pout just a bit, trusting her, and look away. “Yeah yeah, whatever.” “Oh come on Dirky don’t be like that!” She pokes your nose and you glare at her playfully.

“Anyway Rox is it still lunch?” “Uhhh I don’t think so.” You frown. “Shit.” “It’s ok Dirky you’re like, the best student they have here. You’re not going to get in that much trouble.” You roll your eyes as she pats your head. “Rox that’s not what I’m worried about.” She tilts her head for a second but then seems to get it and smirks at you. “Ooohhh you’re worried about Jake!” You look away again, embarrassed. “Maybe.” She giggles and pats you again despite your wishes that she wouldn’t. “Don’t worry Dirky. You still have English with him right?” You don’t even want to know how she knows that but you nod. “Then you can just explain it to him then!” “Yeah, but what is he going to think Rox?” “Well he seemed pretty worried about you before so I’m sure he’ll be relieved to know you’re ok.” You sigh again. “I mean yeah I guess but what then? What if he hates me for doing that?”

Roxy sighs this time and shakes her head at you again. “Dirky Dirky Dirky. For such a smart little boy you sure are really dumb.” You frown at her. “Roxy I’m the same age as you. We’re in college. I’m six foot three. I’m not a little boy. And I’m not dumb.” She giggles at you and pats your head once again, this time a bit more condescendingly than even the last two times she’s done it. “Sure Dirky sure. But don’t you worry about a thing Dirk. Jake’s not going to hate you. That much I can promise.” She winks at you and instantly you go into overanalyzing mode. Why the fuck did she wink at you? What does that even mean? All her winks have so many meanings it’s almost like learning how to interpret Bro and Dave’s looks all over again just to figure them out. What is she implying? What does she know that you don’t? You have no idea and it’s really fucking annoying but she only giggles at you as your brow furrows and you try to calculate and figure out what the fuck she means.

She sits and watches you for a while before suggesting the both of you get to class. You shake your head clear of excess thoughts temporarily and agree, thanking her one more time only to get shushed and waved off to class. You get there and get in trouble with the teacher but nothing more. You figure you might get detention or something like that later, you’ve never actually gotten in trouble at college before so you have no idea how it works, but it’s no big deal to you. You sit down and spend that class and the one after it trying to both decipher Roxy’s wink and figure out what the fuck to say to Jake when you see him in English.

You fail miserably at both tasks.

Before English class starts you can see Jake scanning the lecture hall desperately for you before spotting you. When he does see you he waves, looking really fucking happy to see you and relieved as all hell too. It’s actually kinda nice to know he had been that worried about you. You wave back to him but you don’t get a chance to talk to him before class starts. 

Afterward, though he walks up to, still looking ecstatic to know you’re ok. “Dirk I’m so glad to see you! I got scared when you ran off like that earlier!” You rub the back of your neck nervously and look away from him. “I know Jake I’m sorry. Kinda got overwhelmed and scared.” “It’s ok chap I understand. Just try not to do that again. You really scared the ever living daylights out of me chap!” You look back at him and see his smile and you can’t help but smile back. “Yeah. I’ll do my best.” “Thanks, chap!” And with that, he changes the topic as if none of today even happened. As if you didn’t have bandages on your arms he now knew your brother had made you need. As if he hadn’t seen you so overwhelmed you’d retreated out of phy ed. As if he hadn’t seen you cry a bit and held you through it. As if he hadn’t seen you panic over his safety. As if he hadn’t seen you run off without telling him where you were going or what you were doing in a state of panic and fear so intense that it scared him as well.

Instead, he acted as if everything was the same as always. As if everything was normal. As if nothing had happened.

You didn’t know exactly how to feel about that but you at least were happy to have at least five more minutes of freedom before you had to get on the bus to go home and face your doom. Before you had to go home and face Bro.


	7. Injury and Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro causes some damage to Dirk that Jake helps heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not making a new chapter for a while! I've been dealing with a major writing block recently so it took longer to write this chapter than usual.

Unfortunately, time with Jake does run out however and you have to go so you can catch the bus home. You wave to him and head out, dreading when you arrive home.

Just as expected you come home to find a note held to your bedroom door with a ninja star telling you to go to the roof. You sigh and grab your sword before heading up to face your brother. When you get up there you find Dave already fighting him. You frown but you know better than to intervene in their battle when your punishment is already so intense. In fact, knowing Bro he timed it like this so watching Dave fight him could be a part of your punishment. Eventually, Bro lets Dave go with a few cuts and scrapes here and there but nothing too serious. Which means he’s saving that for you.

You make sure Dave makes it down to the apartment safely before turning to Bro. He’s watching you with a cold stare you know means that you fucked up big time. Not that you didn’t already know that. 

It also means he wants you to make the first move.

You still hesitate a second despite yourself. You fight using reactions. You aren’t good at making the first move and yet that’s exactly what he wants you to do. And you know it’s because you’re bad at it too.

Finally, you attack, going for a simple slash across his chest but he dodges easily just like always. This is only the start of an intense and terrible battle that you lose. Badly. By the time it’s finally done you’re pretty sure your arm got popped out of place and you’re bleeding badly in many many different areas from several wounds. You’re barely conscious when he finally leaves with you laying on the ground unable to get up. Dave, of course, comes looking for you when you don’t come down after the battle and you get a glance at his terrified and shocked face before you pass out.

You wake up again who knows how long later sore all over and with a throbbing headache to top off all the pain in your limbs. You groan and try to sit up, not really seeing anything around you before you close your eyes against the pain that shoots through you. Then you hear a distinct voice from beside you. “Oh, Dirk chap you’re awake thank goodness.” It’s Jake. He’s here. He sounds sleepy but happy and he’s here. He saw you so badly injured and in so much pain and yet he didn’t leave you. Didn’t try to escape the situation and run away. You turn your head towards his voice and open your eyes again though all you really take in is him. 

He’s sitting there beside you on a stool, facing you with his entire body. He’s wearing ridiculously dorky pajamas with little green skulls all over them. It’s adorable and hilarious and endearing and dorky as all hell all at the same time. You see his face and just like always you get trapped in it for a bit. Just looking at him is magic to you and you can’t get enough of it even as your body throbs with pain. It all just kinda shrinks and disappears as you stare at him. He’s looking back at you with worry and relief clear on his face along with joy and his eyes still have that wonderful sparkle to them that you love. 

“Jake?” You manage out through a rough and sore throat. You clearly haven’t had anything to drink in a while. How long were you out? He reaches out and gently takes your hand as you speak and you can’t help but glance down at where your skin touches his. He’s being so incredibly gentle with you. It’s like he thinks he could break you by squeezing your hand too tight and it makes your heart swell with love and warmth. It’s cute and sweet as all hell and it almost makes you smile. “Yeah, chap it’s me. Are you ok? How do you feel?” “Like I got ran over by a truck.” He chuckles at you and that manages to get you to smile despite your pain. 

Only then do you realize you don’t have your shades on. Meaning he can see your pale orange eyes. You look at him as he laughs and then looks into your eyes with such love and happiness and care that it makes you want to melt. He’s seeing your eyes but not only is he not freaked out or scared of you because of them but he’s not even reacting. You normally would hate not having a reaction to work off of for something but for this, you prefer that he’s not having any reaction. That he’s not even mentioning it or anything. It’s perfect and it makes you feel safe with Jake even more than you already did which is really saying something. 

You finally tear your gaze from him to look around. The room around you is dull and pretty barren but then it hits you where you are. You’re in a hospital room. You’re in a hospital bed. You’re in a hospital. 

Oh shit.

You turn back to Jake, frowning now with fear in your eyes and he notices instantly and frowns along with you. “Is something wrong chap?” “Jake, what happened while I was out? How long was I out? How did we get here?” Your words come out fast and urgent due to your worry and Jake places his other hand over where he’s holding your hand in a soothing manner, rubbing his thumb on the hand holding yours over the top of your hand calmingly. “Hey calm down chap. It’s alright. You’re ok now. One question at a time.”

You nod and try to calm down but worry keeps building up in you anyway even as Jake starts to answer your questions. “You were out for quite a while. You scared me a lot by the way chap. Dave called me at some point around dinner, I didn’t really have time to check the clock, and told me you were badly injured and needed my help.” Once again you find it cute that he didn’t even question how Dave got his number though you know he probably got it from your phone or had gotten it from Roxy before that moment so he could check up on things just like you know Roxy did. They’re good siblings and you love them. “I, of course, rushed over to your aid and found Dave had you laid out on the futon in your living room. You were bleeding badly and he was visibly panicked when he answered the door. He had tried to bandage some of your wounds but you didn’t exactly have many supplies.” You cringe, knowing you usually go out and stock up whenever you can scrounge up enough money but that you hadn’t been able to do that in a while. “When I saw what bad condition you were in well I… I just couldn’t sit there unable to do anything about it! So I picked you up with a little help from Dave and carried you out to the lobby who called for an ambulance upon seeing you.” That sent a chill down your spine. They knew now. You don’t just see a kid with cuts all over their body that they couldn’t have done to themselves and assume something like that happened by accident. That meant they knew about Bro. What was going to happen? Jake seemed oblivious to your concern and fear as he continued. “They let me and Dave come in the ambulance with you as Dave was your brother and also crying and I had helped you into the stretcher and down the stairs to the lobby and such.” Jake seems unaware that the people also likely assumed he was either another family member or the lover that he actually was but you don’t entirely mind that. “They brought you here but Dave and I had to wait in the lobby for a bit before we could come in to see you.” 

You take in all of this new information and just try to process it for a while. Then you remember that Jake is wearing pajamas and question him about it. He blushes a little and says, “Well Roxy found out you were hurt somehow and came over after telling my family that’s where I had run off to and turns out while she was there to tell them my Gran decided that I needed my pjs is I was going to stay the night here. Roxy of course agreed and brought them to me to put on.” You can’t help but chuckle a bit at that. You know Roxy must’ve found out from Rose but for once you don’t mind her weird and creepy ways. “Oh. That makes sense. What time is it anyway?” Jake thinks for a moment. “Probably around midnight or later.”

That gets your attention. “Midnight? Jake, why aren’t you asleep?” Jake seems surprised and confused by your question. “I couldn’t just sleep seeing you passed out and in pain Dirk! You were mumbling in your sleep about things too. I couldn’t quite make out what you were saying but you didn’t seem too happy.” Oh. You must’ve had one of your nightmares again. Strange for you to not remember it for once but that could be explained by you having been knocked out rather than just passing out from lack of sleep. “Oh. Yeah. I... I do that sometimes.” “Yeah, Dave told me. He said I shouldn’t worry too much about it but I couldn’t help it. And I could tell he was worried too. You are ok right chap?”

He’s looking at you with this innocent caring and worried look in his eyes and it makes you feel like your heart just melted into a pile of goo in your rib cage. “Yeah, Jake. I’m sore and shit of course but I’m fine. Thanks to you.” He blushes a little and smiles at you. “Well, that’s good.”

“Yeah. It is.”

Hearing that come from your own mouth is foreign and weird. The very thought that for once in your life you’re glad someone saw you in pain blows your mind but it’s true. You’re glad Dave found you and you’re glad he called Jake right away. You’re glad Jake saw you and instantly called for professional help. You’re glad he and others saw you in pain. 

You’re glad to be alive.

You’re glad to have him. 

You love him.

With all your heart and soul you love Jake English. There’s nothing else to it. You just love this guy who saw all your weaknesses and all the bad parts of you and all the weird and crazy parts of you and instead of fleeing for his life or hating you he accepted you and took you in and cared about you. Loved you even. It feels amazing to know you have someone who loves you and cares about you for who you are and not what you pretend to be.

“I love you, Jake.” He smiles wider and leans down to plant a small kiss to your lips from where you lay. “I love you too Dirk.” You smile softly and the two of you just stare at each other for a good long while, just enjoying each others company and warmth and love. However, eventually, you remember how late it is and the fact that Jake likely still hasn’t slept. “Good. Now come on Jake it’s late and you need sleep. You should go home and rest.” “I’m not going anywhere.” “Jake you need rest.” “I know. That doesn’t mean I’m just going to leave you here alone.”

You stop. He doesn’t want to leave you here. And not just because he’s worried for your health and safety though you do know that’s a part of it rather because he doesn’t want to leave you alone. He somehow saw so much past you and into who you really are that he saw that even though you push everyone away for fear of hurting them that you crave having someone with you at all times and that you crave love and attention. And that you hate being alone. 

It… It’s incredibly touching that he saw that and is now acting on it how he is.

“I… Yeah ok sure. But you have to sleep ok?” He smiles as you give in to him and his kindness. “Of course I will Dirk! But you have to as well ok chap? You need your rest so you can heal up fast.” You nod even though you’d actually prefer if you healed slowly if only to put off having to think about what to do and what will happen when you get out of here. You just can’t say no to Jake really and besides, you are tired still for once because of your injuries and the battle you were recovering from. “Yeah sure. I’ll try.” He seems really happy with that and places another quick kiss to your lips. You wish he would stay there and make them longer. You wish you had time to savor the contact, the soft flesh of his lips against yours. But you don’t say anything. Just smile up at him. “And that’s all I can ask chap.”

He moves to lean against the wall but you stop him. “Why don’t you climb into the bed with me.” The words come out before you can really think about them so you quickly try to justify yourself, your anxiety kicking in as you blush and rush the words out of your mouth. “I mean it’s much more comfortable than leaning against the wall I would imagine and don’t want you to fall off the stool in your sleep and get hurt even if we are at the hospital already.” He smiles and giggles at your nerves. “Of course.” He pecks your lips again cutely before bobbing your nose with a finger. You blush harder and look away in embarrassment which only makes him giggle again in the cutest way before he moves to climb into the bed beside you.

You scoot the best you can to accommodate him despite the pain it sends through you and he curls up against your side.

It looks adorable.

He looks adorable.

You can’t help but kiss his forehead before placing your head against his while he snuggles it into your shoulder. Your arm goes around and under him to hold him gently to your body and you see him smile as he shuts his eyes and snuggles against you even more. You chuckle and pluck the glasses he forgot to take off off his face and set them on the now empty stool as he blushes softly. From there, his breathing gets slower as he falls asleep and for once with him curled up against you you have no issue falling asleep as well.


	8. Recovery and Safety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk gets some help recovering from Jake and gets some amazing news as well.

Jake stays with you the entire time you’re in the hospital even when Dave has to go home or to school. Jake straight up skips college the entire time you’re in the hospital even when you try to tell him not to. Luckily Roxy is smart enough to bring you both your homework to work on together as well as to continue bringing Jake pajamas and clothing from his house. 

Having Jake there… Well, you’re pretty sure it’s the only reason you ever were able to leave that hospital to put it one way. To put it another Jake was likely the only thing that kept you from harming yourself or even killing yourself just to avoid having to go home and deal with the consequences of your actions, words, and the actions of others.

But luckily for you, you had Jake.

There was never a moment where he was not by your side, not helping you stay happy, not helping you get better, not helping you get through it. You never had the chance to worry and obsess over what would later happen because Jake was always there. Jake was always distracting you. Jake was always your focus. Jake always kept you happy. Jake always kept you happy. Jake always loved you.

And you always loved him back.

But because of Jake keeping you healthy and distracted and happy eventually, you did heal. And with health came the threat of home. The threat of Bro. As your final days in the hospital crept up on you you stopped sleeping. You couldn’t because every time Jake passed out in your arms the fears slipped in and took root. Every time his emerald eyes disappear from your vision you remembered the man whose eyes you never saw and yet knew deep down were just like yours. Your fears would change sometimes though. Sometimes it was about you, sometimes Dave, and often Jake. Bro knew now. Bro knew now how important Jake was to you. Bro knew now that he didn’t have to injure the other one he was trying to mold and train in order to get at you. Bro knew now that he could have a different target.

You couldn’t bear to think about what might happen if he ever had the chance to teach Jake a lesson about helping you when he wanted you to learn a lesson. 

You could take getting hurt yourself. You were used to it and now he was unlikely to hurt you as bad, at least not all at once, as that would send you back to the hospital again and he’d lose time to train you. Your own pain you could take. But Dave or Jake? That was a different story entirely and one you didn’t even want to think about.

However, one thing you failed to take into account? English-Harley’s are stubborn and caring and always get their way.

And that’s only doubled when they have at least one Lalonde on their side.

The day before you got out of the hospital you finally met the woman Jake talked so highly about. The one who raised him after his parents died. You finally met Jake and Jade’s grandmother.

It happens as a surprise to both you and Jake. Or at least the visit does. You and Jake are just sitting, cuddled up to each other peacefully and lovingly as Avatar plays on the TV. Jake had insisted you watch it for the millionth time and just like always you couldn’t say no to him even if the movie is terrible. It was worth it to see him smile anyway. He was grinning widely with his head on your shoulder as you smiled peacefully as well with your head leaning on his. You were more watching him than the movie but if anything watching his reactions was more entertaining than actually watching the movie. The movie is about halfway done when you feel a presence join you and Jake in the room. You’re a bit confused because the only ones to have visited you so far have been Jade, Dave, and Roxy but it’s during the school day right now so it can’t be any of them. So you turn your head to see if it’s a nurse or something and instead find an old lady standing there.

She has a strong resemblance to Jade, long grey hair that likely had once been black going down to about the back of her knees and circle-rimmed glasses over bright green eyes. Her skin has quite a few wrinkles of course but not as many as you were expecting to be honest and they actually look kinda good on her. Make her look wise and intelligent rather than just old. She’s wearing an almost identical outfit to the long skirt and long sleeved shirt Jade often wears, the only real difference being that it has an atom on it rather than the dog Jade’s does. You figure it’s because she’s a scientist and inventor. Jade is too but still. She’s still a teen with the limitations of one. 

Jake’s grandma is standing in the doorway with a smirk on her face and her arms crossed in a playful way. It makes you incredibly embarrassed to be caught in the position you’re currently in and you can feel your cheeks light up pink. 

“Hello, Ms. English.” You say shyly. “Oh just call me Grandma English.” She winks at you and you blush a little more at the fact that she seems to know how you feel about Jake despite only just meeting you. The two of you talking, of course, leads your cuddle buddy to turn his head to the door in surprise, managing to tear his eyes away from his movie. “Grandma? You’re not supposed to be here until tomorrow!” She chuckles as she walks in to take a seat on the stool Jake had first sat in when you first woke up even if now he spent most of his time in your bed with you due to it being more comfortable. “I know but I couldn’t wait to tell him the little surprise you have all planned out for him. You know how I get sweetums.” You have a feeling she only used the nickname because of you being there by the way Jake looks just a bit shocked at its use while his face goes bright pink and he looks away from you both in embarrassment.

Grandma English chuckles again before Jake speaks, grumbling just a bit at first and then ending in a slight whine. “Don’t call me that Gran. And it was supposed to be a surprise reward for when he got out!” “I know I know Jake but come on, he’s getting out tomorrow so why can’t we tell him now?” You’re getting immensely curious about what this surprise is with them using the pronoun game on you and you’re slightly embarrassed but also proud of Jake for him figuring out that staying in here and not doing anything was a struggle for you.

“Gran!” Jake whines. “Oh shoosh. I’m going to tell him.” Jake whines but it seems that just like the rest of her family when Grandma English has her mind made up about something there’s just no changing it. She turns to look at your curious and confused face, the blush slowly fading from your cheeks, and smiles mischievously before she talks, making you just a bit nervous at first. 

“Jake here told me what happened to get you in here and also told me he wanted to do something to help you.” Oh, so Roxy must be in on this too in order for her to have made up that fake story about telling them about your predicament. You guess that makes sense. Roxy would want to be involved in anything that involves helping you. “So I let him come here to stay with you in the hospital when he expressed his concerns about your safety in here.” She continues and you blush a little but once again feel a strange sense of pride over Jake’s observation of you that mixes with the embarrassment. “I was, of course, proud of him for wanting to do something about your situation when he continued expressing concerns over you even after that so I readily agreed to help you further on his behalf.” She sits up a bit straighter and puffs out her chest a bit at the mention of her pride and you follow her gaze as it flickers over to Jake who is blushing as she pauses.

“Get on with it already Gran and tell him the surprise!” Jake says in a whiny, impatient and embarrassed tone. You can’t help but chuckle at the familiar impatience of your crush calms you slightly though your curiosity is still strong.

“Oh don’t get your boxers in a bunch!” Grandma English scolds playfully. She really is a lot like an older and wiser Jade. She turns back to you as she continues. “Upon Jake’s request, I agreed to help him with the legal work and all that other nonsense to get Dave out of Bro’s custody and into ours as well as to allow you to move in with us."

You sit there in shock, your eyes wide behind the spare shades Roxy had brought for you after her first visit to you revealed that you no longer had the originals since she knew how much you depended on those shades to feel just a little bit safer. You’re pretty sure your jaw is on the ground and Grandma English chuckles at the look on your face. You turn to glance at Jake for confirmation that this is the truth and you find him covering his mouth to hold back laughter at your reaction but his large smile is not a mischievous or cruel one and his eyes spark with truth and joy at your expression all the same. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul and for Jake at least you’ve found that to be the truth as they always show what Jake is feeling. He doesn’t exactly hide his emotions but for you, it’s nice to have that confirmation anyway.

That means that Grandma English is telling the truth.

You’ll be moving in with Jake as soon as you’re out of here and you won’t even have to worry about Dave either because he’ll be safe too. He’ll be with you too at least eventually. Even if you would’ve escaped Bro at the end of the summer of this year anyway it’s still mind-blowing to think about the fact that you’re free. That you don’t have to worry about Bro anymore. That you’re safe and Dave’s safe and Jake’s safe and everyone you care about is safe. Bro will get in big trouble for this through Grandma English and you won’t have to be worried about being separated from Dave at all because he’ll be with you with the Harley-English family in their home. He’ll get to go to college and also have somewhere he can feel safe and comfortable to come home to for the holidays or if he needs a break. Everything will be fine for him. He’ll get to be normal just like you know he’s secretly, even from himself really, always wanted to be. He’ll go to college and get to be whatever he wants to be. 

And Jake. You’ll be living with him from now on and you won’t have to worry about Bro harassing or harming him over something you do or because of how you feel for him deep down. He’ll be ok. He’ll be safe.

And with you.

He’ll be with you and you’ll be with him.

You can feel tears come to your eyes against your will as you stare in shock at the two smiling family members in front of you. Jake hugs you tightly and you can’t help but press your face into his shoulder as you shake and a few happy tears slide down your cheeks. You give a choked sob and feel Jake’s familiarly comforting hand start to rub circles in your back slowly and gently. It helps you calm down and reign in your emotions quicker and you feel grateful for that as well as everything else he’s done and is doing for you. He’s probably the best thing to ever happen to you and you wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world no matter what. You need him and love him so deeply by this point that you don’t think anything could ever even dream of changing that fact. He could literally tell you he was a mass murderer and you would still adore him. Still need him. Still love him.

Finally, you recover yourself and pull out of his arms slowly and regretfully to turn back to his grandmother who is still smiling knowingly at you. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” She waves you off. “Oh shush I would do it for anyone really so doing it for someone my grandson cares so much for is nothing.” You smile and give a slight chuckle, not able to even attempt to hide your emotions in your current state. “Y-Yeah. Of course. Still. I can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing for me and my little bro.” She simply waves you off again and stands up. “Think nothing of it. Now I should get back home to Jade and Bec but you too be good now.” She winks at you and you pray Jake didn’t notice as you blush a bright pink at the implication.

The both of you silently resolve to wait to talk further about this so you don’t have another meltdown and you’re immensely grateful for the one-hundredth time to Jake being able to read you so well as well as him taking your emotions into serious consideration.

Even as you and Jake silently agree to this and resume the position you had been in before being disturbed and Jake turning his focus back to the movie you can’t help but think about all of what’s happened in your life in such a short amount of time and just how much good it’s done for you. You met the guy of your dreams when he moved here and stole your spot on the college campus at lunchtime and you for some reason couldn’t get yourself to kick him out. From there you two became close friends and even best friends very quickly. He then asked you to help him with his sexuality as you struggled with the fact that you had a major crush on him. From there he started getting worried about you when you showed up to school injured and then helped you when you got hurt bad enough by your abusive older brother by taking you to the hospital and convincing his grandmother and caretaker to take both you and your younger brother in.

And now here you were with what was definitely the love of your life and the only man you would ever love curled up against you as you rested your head on his while watching Avatar, the crappy one, together in a hospital bed.

And it was perfect in every possible way.


	9. New Start New Rival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as things start to look up for Dirk things go wrong once more

As promised you get out the next day and head to the apartment only to find it empty except for the usual clutter and shit laying around. You’ve been told Dave already gathered his stuff and went to live with the Lalonde’s since they were the closest things you had to relatives until all the legal stuff was figured out with Bro and sure enough you find his room stripped clean. Jade, Roxy, Jake, Dave, and even Grandma English had all offered to come with you to help you do the same to your room but you had denied them all. As much as you liked all of them and enjoyed their company and the comfort and familiarity they brought with them you felt like this was something you had to handle alone.

Everything feels eerie and too silent. No hint of movement anywhere in the house and you know for a fact no one else is there. No one. And yet it still feels like Dave and Bro are there. Or at least that Bro is. That he’s still watching you somehow just waiting for his moment to strike and finally finish you off for good. All your hair is standing on end with fear and nervousness and you feel ready to turn and flee for your life at any moment. You’re so nervous and eager to get out of there and away from the eerie feeling of being watched in fact that you don’t pack most of your stuff, not that you own that much really anyway. You leave all your posters on your wall and most of your clothing in the drawers, just grabbing some of your more often worn clothing and your electronic and robotics equipment. You pack it up and then get the fuck out of there.

It’s a relief so intense that your legs nearly give out on you when you finally get out of that apartment for the last time with the knowledge that you will never ever have to go back in there. You feel like everything is floating and yet also like you weigh ten tons all at the same time. Every part of you is tired and yet antsy to keep moving. There’s a massive feeling of a weight being taken from your shoulders but at the same time your stomach twists painfully and you feel like hurling at the thought of leaving what had been your home for all of your life behind you for good. That place and the routine you had built there was normal for you. It was good. It was safe. Even if everything and everyone said you were the opposite of safe there with Bro because it had been all you had known for so long you feel nervous and unsafe leaving it behind.

You shake your head to attempt to clear it of all the thoughts that fill it and poison you, distract you, and harm you. You focus on getting back to Jake. On getting back to the new safety you had with your little brother and the guy you had fallen head over heels with. On getting back to your new home. 

You arrive there pretty quickly at least by your views via the bus and find that the trip actually only took you about one hour and fifteen minutes total, most of that time having been spent commuting back and forth rather than in the apartment packing. It feels like it was the other way around. It feels like you had spent hours in that apartment and only minutes on the bus but you guess Jake lives farther from the apartment building than you first realized. It’s conflicting to think about that.

The house is big, Jake had told you that in her day his grandmother had been the owner of a huge tech and science business even if she’s retired now and she still had plenty of money left over from it. It had surprised you at first how big the place was because the Harley-English family had always been so modest that honestly, you couldn’t imagine them living anywhere but a small cabin in the woods or something but you guess this does make more sense and is more practical. You still think Jake at the very least is more suited to living in a cabin in the woods and you don’t think you mind living there, to be honest. Isolated and alone in a calm environment where you could do whatever you wanted to sounded good to you and you knew Jake would love the adventure aspect of it.

But enough daydreaming about the type of house you would get with Jake if he ever did someone end up being with you by some miracle of science.

Back to your real new home. Like you were saying the place is huge and incredibly spacious with a separate room for almost anything you can think of. There’s even a greenhouse on the roof for Jade’s gardening that her grandmother helps her with a lot. They had cleaned out two rooms on the bottom floor near the other bedrooms for you and Dave and honestly, the both of you agreed you had much more room than you knew what to do with or would ever need. Dave reportedly spent a lot of time in the room Grandma English had specially set up for him to put his music stuff in so he could have a space dedicated just to that. He was immensely happy about that in particular you knew. He had been offered a black room for his pictures too but he declined. He didn’t tell the others but you knew it was because, like you, he still needed just a little bit of your old home in the form of the closet black room. At least he had more space in this closet you supposed. His room looked pretty similar to his old room minus the missing music equipment though it was less messy, or at the very least appeared to be less messy, because of the added space. 

It was nice to see Dave so happy with his own space and his own home. 

It was nice to see him happy period really. 

That had been so rare before but now it was quite the opposite and honestly, you were even happier about that than you were your own room.

Since you hadn’t grabbed much your room was pretty barren for now, consisting of a desk with your computer on it and then a corner nearby with all your robotics shit in it. Then your bed and dresser and that was it. You actually quite liked the simplicity of it despite its emptiness. It felt clean and open and uncluttered, pretty much the opposite of what every room in the old apartment had been. You felt happier and safer thanks to the differences.

Jake has the bedroom to the right of yours and Dave has the one on your other side. Jade and her grandma have the other two right next to Jake’s other side but you don’t really pay much attention to that. Yeah they’re really nice and you’re eternally grateful to Grandma English for all she’s done for you and your family but the three of you don’t interact that much. The occasional brief conversation on robotics and that’s about it. Mostly you spend your time with your little brother or with Jake or alone. Mostly with Jake. You claimed it was because Dave liked his alone time just as much as you do and you’re pretty sure Jake at least bought into that but Dave was really much different than you and you know he actually prefer spending time with others even if they did make him just a bit nervous sometimes like they did you. Only for you, they did it to a much larger degree and much more often so you guess it made sense that you isolate yourself a lot more than he ever did.

Anyway, you spend most of your time with Jake when you aren’t working on something and sometimes he’ll even come into your room to talk to you while you work which for once you don’t mind and actually welcome. A couple days after you get out of the hospital you deem yourself ready to head back to college even if Grandma English says you should still wait a few more days.

When you return you find you’d rather have listened to her but not because of any physical pain.

When you walk into the main building with Jake you instantly feel eyes on you. You look around for the source and spot Jane giving you a death glare. You have no clue why but she looks like she wants to murder you in seventy different ways before chopping your corpse up and feeding it to hungry lions. She’s thoroughly pissed the fuck off at you and you don’t even know why. The only and only time you’ve ever seen her or talked to her was back when Jake pulled you aside at the door and sure that conversation hadn’t been great but it hadn’t been death glare worthy. You didn’t know what she was so mad about and it scared you. You were very much on edge and were very thankful when Jake didn’t seem to see her and just walked on past with you since your first classes went in the same direction for a bit before branching off.

You didn’t see Jane again until lunch after that.

You had your food and was on your way to the doors to head outside as always when you felt her tap your shoulder. She must’ve had to stand on her tiptoes to reach you but by the time you turn around she’s flat on her feet and she looks like she’s ready for business and her business is killing you. Her death glare is on full force and her bright light blue eyes are filled with flames of anger as she has her arms crossed out in front of her.

You don’t say anything as you assess her and she says nothing right back for a few awkward seconds. You almost turn to leave again, not wanting to make Jake worry about where you are when she finally speaks up. “Back off of Jake.” You stand in shock at her words but without another word, she turns on her heel and walks away.

Holy shit.

What just happened?

You just got threatened by Jake’s only other real friend to back off of him. At first, you think she’s jealous of you taking his best friend slot which you think is a bit childish but then you remember how she had looked at Jake before. It was the same way you looked at him from behind your protective shades. 

She loved him.

And so did you.

Meaning she wanted you gone so that she could have Jake all to herself with no chance of you stealing him away from her.

Well fuck.

What were you supposed to do now?

You had thought that maybe just maybe by some miracle with Bro out of the equation you would have some chance at landing Jake as a boyfriend rather than just best friend but now? Sure you had been nervous and anxious before but at least you felt safe in knowing you had time to gather courage and that if you did get turned down the worst that could happen was things getting awkward between you and Jake and you not being friends anymore. Now there was more on the line than just that again. Now you had no idea how long it would be until Jane made her move and you possibly lost your chance forever. And on top of that, there was now a risk to getting Jake as your boyfriend all over again. And that risk was the wrath of Jane whatever that might entail. You weren’t sure what it would entail but no matter what you were sure that you didn’t want anyone mad at you even if it meant that you had Jake at your side. The risk just wasn’t worth it.

And now once again you had no chance at getting Jake. No matter what happened you lost. He rejected you and you lost your best friend with no way of ever getting things back to normal and maybe even ruining things for the rest of your family and his family in the process. He accepted your feelings though and you would have to deal with Jane and whatever kind of revenge she wanted to enact on you.

You were in a corner with nowhere to go and nothing you could do and it scared the ever-loving fuck out of you.

Hell even doing nothing was bad if she got to Jake first and then you lost your only chance at being with Jake.

You felt trapped. Backed into a corner without a way to get out or fight your way through. Like a declawed panther backed into the corner of a rocky cliff by hunters with guns looking to return home with a trophy.

And all you could do was go to meet up with Jake and pretend nothing even happened at all.


	10. Time's Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk runs out of time and then breaks down

You stall for a long time. Or well a few weeks at least. You’re terrified to tell him so you don’t tell him. Sure you’re scared of Jane getting him first too but you just feel like it’s safer not to tell him. You don’t know why since it has pretty much the same consequence as telling him.

Turns out you stalled for just a bit too long.

Lunch time rolls around after a few weeks and when you get to the spot under the tree Jake isn’t there for once. The spot is fully empty in a way you haven’t seen in so long you almost think you’re in the wrong place and become frightened when you confirm you aren’t. Instantly you set out to see if you can find Jake and figure out what’s going on but then you spot him. He’s sitting right across the campus from you in perfect view of you from where you stand atop the hill. And with him is Jane.

The fact that she is there is the only thing that stops your immediate urge to go get him from taking you over there. You watch from atop the hill you loved so much as Jake and Jane talk and laugh and enjoy each others company. You feel your stomach twist and flip and then your world stops as the worst happens before your eyes.

They kiss.

Your world freezes around you and everything goes slow and numb as you stare at their lips connecting and bodies shifting closer to each other. You shake a bit as you watch before dropping your lunch tray and leaving with speed just short of you running. People turn to stare as you move back into the building and push past anyone in your way with your head down but for once you don’t care what they think of you. Don’t care about the attention on you. All that matters is that you were too late and now you had lost Jake forever. Now there was no chance whatsoever of him ever getting with you. Had there ever been a chance? You weren’t so sure anymore. Maybe there never had been a single percentage of a chance that he would ever want you. That would make sense. He was so much better than you after all. You were a wreck of a human being and he was practically a god there was no way he would’ve ever been attracted to you. Not in a million years.

You go to the bathrooms nearest the school entrance and lock yourself in a stall. Here he can’t find you. He can’t make fun of you for you ever thinking you had a chance with him. That you might land yourself such a perfect person as your boyfriend. With that safety, you start to break down.

It’s all falling apart. It’s all crashing down around you as you press your back to the door of the stall and cover your mouth with a hand to muffle any sobs that manage to make it past you. You’re shaking and tears are falling down your cheeks unimpeded and all you can hope for is that no one will hear you. 

Your heart feels like it’s bleeding. Shattered and broken sitting at the bottom of your ribcage still slowly beating, just barely doing enough to keep you alive but making you bleed continuously as a consequence. Everything in your chest hurts but everything else is numb. Your stomach is doing flips over and over again and you feel like you’re going to be sick and that when you do you’ll be throwing up blood. Your chest feels like it’s going to explode and your brain can’t focus on anything but the pain you feel. You sit there in that stall for who knows how long and then you just can’t bear it anymore. You can’t bear to be in this school anymore knowing that he’s out there with Jane. You just can’t. So you leave. You go out into the hall and you must look sick because even when another wandering student sees you leave they don’t stop you and ask why you’re skipping. You’re half sure a teacher saw you too even as they pretend not to. You’ve managed to stall the tears at least but you still look like shit and you know it.

You manage to get out of the building before the waterworks kick back in again. You don’t care. At least not really. No ones on campus who isn’t in the building so it doesn’t matter. You spot the tree off in the distance as you slowly walk to leave the grounds. The tree that you sat under for so long alone until he came along. Until he sat there and made your day just a bit better and until he came along and helped you. Until he came along and saved you. Until he came along and made you love him.

A fresh set of sobs wrecks your body and mind at the memories that the tree brings to you. 

Finally you manage to stop the tears again, you’re pretty sure only because you have no liquid left in your body to cry out, but there’s still the constant urge to start up again even as you stick your hands deep into your pockets and hunch your shoulders with your head hanging low and leave campus. You head straight for the bus stop on instinct and routine and find yourself boarding the bus not for your new home but for your old one. Bro never locked the apartment ever and you know he still technically owned it since he wasn’t done with the legal stuff just yet so you didn’t expect any resistance to you going there.

And you weren’t met with any.

You get off the bus at your old stop and walk to the apartment building and to the familiar stairway with way too many stairs. You had been knocked down enough of them before to know there was way too many of them even if you didn’t also have to walk up and down them most days. You get to the top floor and to your apartment and sure enough the door is unlocked and you can waltz right on in. The place is more empty now and not just because you and Dave moved out. A lot of Bro’s stuff has either been cleaned out or moved but the big stuff like the futon and the TV are still there. It seems foreign to you to see it so empty but at the same time walking feels strangely comforting. Like coming home after a long day at work only to find that your partner redecorated a lot and sold a ton of your shit. Painful but still safe.

You stop in the living room for a while, just staring as you continue to hold back tears. You glance at the kitchen and wonder for a moment if the fridge is still filled with swords but decide it probably isn’t and you don’t bother to check. Instead, you head for the bedrooms. 

First is Dave’s which is properly stripped just as you remember seeing it when he moved out. Nothing too new to see there.

Next to his is yours but for some reason, you decide to save it for last and so your eyes instead land on the one door in the apartment you’ve never dared open. You never were expressly told not to go into Bro’s room nor was it ever implied to you but it didn’t need to be. You never wanted to. Sure you were curious what was in there but you never had enough of an urge to risk going in there and there was always something that told you going in there was not something you wanted to do even if it wasn’t against the rules. But now your body is telling you to go in.

So you do.

You open the door and behold Bro’s room. It’s clearly been stripped down but there’s still a spare sex toy here or there or one of Bro’s nasty creations. A few other store-bought puppets too but nothing majorly creepy. It’s actually pretty plain to look at. There’s nothing really special in here. Nothing he didn’t display openly around the apartment for you to see all your life at least. There’s a spot for his katana to be displayed on the wall but the weapon isn’t there. You hope the authorities have it and not him. One thing that does give you the creeps is that Cal isn’t here. He isn’t anywhere that you’ve seen so far. It’s weird and it gives you the creeps a bit.

You finally close the door and head to your room and that’s when everything starts coming back. Walking in and looking around had made you feel slightly more numb, enough to block out a good amount of your pain, as you focused on something else but coming back into your room still full of a lot of your shit makes it all come back as you remember all the times you had thought about Jake in here, talked to Jake in here, daydreamed about Jake in here. You hadn’t known him long at the time but still, he consumed so much of your thoughts even in that time that your brain had plenty to pull from before it started to pull from memories outside your bedroom as well. Your chest tightens with pain again and your hand goes to your mouth on instinct again as your shaking resumes and tears slowly attempt to form despite your dehydration in order to slowly drip down your face. Dry and wet sobs alike go through your frame as you stumble to your bed before managing to fall back onto it and then curl up.

You lay there like that for a long time but you don’t know how long before the exhaustion from your normal lack of sleep mixed with the energy loss from crying catches up to you and you pass out laying on your old bed.

When you do wake up again it’s to a familiar frame being pressed against your back and hugging you gently. It’s got the same lean frame as you and you can feel the poke of sunglasses as it presses its face into your back. 

It’s Dave.

Your younger brother isn’t that much shorter than you and with you curled up how you are you suspect if he wanted to he could curl completely around you but instead he’s hugging your waist and pressing his face into your back like a small child. Like when he was a kid. Like when he was little and Bro would hurt you and you would go to your room to try and keep the sight away from him but he would follow you in and hug you just like this as you tried not to cry and tried to stay strong for him. You’re trying that again now but it’s not working as well as you start to shake and just barely hold back a dry sob. Dave simply squeezes tighter silently. You don’t think you could ask for anything else. He’s the best brother and he knows when to be silent even if he usually isn’t. He knows you probably don’t want to talk about whatever made you this way and even though you know he’s curious and worried he knows you’ll feel better if he doesn’t make you say it. You love him and you couldn’t ask for a better little brother.

You turn around and pull him into your arms and you both sit there for a while, hugging each other. It feels weird. Like you’re breaking a rule but that you know you won’t get in trouble for breaking it. Which is kinda what’s happening you guess. Bro would normally get mad at you and Dave for showing affection like this but he’s not around to punish you anymore even if you are in the old apartment. It’s strangely good to be doing this here of all places. Like finally saying hey Bro I don’t give a shit about you or your rules and you can fuck off without actually saying it to his face. It feels like a weight is being slowly brought off your shoulders the longer you hug Dave. Your first rules of Bro’s being broken since you were free. And you definitely feel even freer now than you did before which is saying a lot.

Just holding Dave helps you calm down a lot and you stay there for a long ass time before you hear the front door open and close and Dave pulls away just a bit. “That must be Jake.” He whispers to you softly and you frown and look down. He stares at you for a moment before sure enough, you hear Jake’s voice call out for Dave and you. Dave pulls away the rest of the way and you move to sit up with your back against the wall behind your bed as he gets up. He pauses to look back at you sadly before going to get Jake.

You keep your eyes trained on the ground as he comes in and walks over to you worriedly. “There you are chap. Are you alright? You didn’t show up to any classes today so as soon as Dave and I got out we went looking for you while Jade went home to tell Grandma. We looked for you everywhere.” “Yeah sorry, Jake. Just needed a break I guess.” He gives a sigh of relief, not seeing through your lie for once. “Well, it’s good to know you’re ok. Just warn a guy next time ok?” You nod and Jake smiles. “Jolly good! Now that we’ve got that out of the way what do you say we head home?” You nod again and the three of you head home. Jade takes one look at you and quickly distracts Jake while Grandma English makes sure you aren’t injured before leaving you alone as well without too much fuss. You head to your bedroom after that and go to your desk. You open your computer and find that it’s about seven meaning you made everyone miss dinner which makes you feel like shit. The computer dings after a bit of you trying to figure out what to do with yourself and you see it’s Dave. His curiosity must have finally gotten the better of him because he’s asking what happened to you. At least he’s asking over messages instead of in person. It’s much easier on your emotions that way. He must know that. You pause a moment to think about what to say before sending one simple message.

TT: I ran out of time


	11. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth finally comes out

You feel like your life is a rollercoaster. Going up before coming straight back down and sometimes just doing straight up loops. First being alone for most of your life was the start of the ride and then Jake came along and started the first climb. Then things fell down a huge drop when Bro sent you to the hospital with how bad he injured you. Then things went up again with Jake hanging out with you at the hospital and even higher when Grandma English let you move in with her family. And then Jane came along and made things into a bunch of loops and sharp turns with her threats but Jake’s continued cheerful friendliness with you that made you continue to fall for him despite it and then it all went crashing down again with Jake and Jane now going out. Jake doesn’t brag about it or anything, really only even mentions it if Jade or Grandma English tease him about it which you can tell they try not to do when you are around, but it’s still not great to know that the love of your life is dating someone else and is perfectly happy with them. And who knows which way this rollercoaster will go next?

Well, one thing's for sure. You weren’t expecting it to go the way it did.

You’re sitting at your computer working on a prototype for a robot when Jake comes in. You’ve been able to make some of the things you had only been able to blueprint before thanks to the increased resources Grandma English is willing to give you as well as her help if you do get stumped on something for whatever reason though that very rarely happens and it’s one of the main things that’s kept you distracted from the pain of your life.

Anyway, Jake walks in and for once he looks nervous and it instantly puts you on edge. “What’s up Jake?” “Hey, chap I was just wondering if you were open for a chat for a bit.” You glance briefly at your work but quickly decide Jake is more important no matter what. “Yeah of course. What’s the matter?” “Oh, golly gosh this is hard to say.” “Hey man take your time. I ain’t going anywhere.” He smiles appreciatively at you and you wait for him to continue. It takes a moment for him to get up the courage which makes you even more nervous as you’ve never known Jake to lack bravery but eventually he does speak. “It’s about Jane…”

What? You pause. This could go many ways and your heart leaps up in your chest at the prospect of what could happen but your stomach does anxious flips at the same time and you nod for him to continue after a moment. He takes a deep breath and looks away from you and down a bit, reaching back to rub his neck. “You see, I thought I really liked her, we’ve been friends for a long time and she’s always been really nice to me. When she confessed to me I thought for sure that things would work between us and that this would be true love. But now I’m not so sure…” 

Your heart wants to jump out your throat right then and there to declare your love for him and tell him that he should be with you instead but luckily your stomach holds it back by making you feel almost sick with it’s constant squeezing and backflipping. “Yeah? How come?” You manage to ask through everything, your voice staying mostly clear of your true feelings and at the very least not cracking at all. You’re both nervous and excited to hear Jake continue to talk about this. He shrugs. “I don’t know chap. There’s just something missing I guess. An extra spark. Like an adventure without puzzles and traps. She’s wonderful and she’s really nice and caring and she’s definitely taking care of and doting on me but there’s just something that’s not there. Something special and important. I can tell she would be heartbroken if I broke it off with her though. She told me she’s actually loved me for a very long time and has just been too nervous to tell me and she really seems to be truly in love with me even if I don’t feel the same. She’s an amazing friend and I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t know what to do.” 

Jake’s giving you this look that tells you he really doesn’t want to hurt Jane and it’s adorable and innocent beyond belief. Along with that his face also informs you that he expects you to know what to do in order to take care of this whole Jane situation without losing him Jane as a friend and honestly you aren’t even vaguely qualified or prepared for that. And to be completely honest a very primally possessive and protective part of you deep in your heart doesn’t really want him to continue being friends with Jane. It wants him to leave her in the dust and stay with you.

You don’t know what to say so you’re silent for a long while. 

Then your mouth opens without your permission and you speak.

“Jane blackmailed me.”

Jake’s eyes widen in shock. “What?” You’re silent for moment or two, looking away nervously but there’s no taking back what you said now no matter how much you wish there was. So you answer his question. “Well, really she more threatened me. She thought I was spending too much time with you and she wanted you for herself so she uh… threatened me. Didn’t really say what she would do but ya know. I could tell it wouldn’t be good.” He seems shocked and just stares at you, speechless, for a long time. It’s awkward and scary and you can feel yourself wilting more and more under his gaze with each passing second. Then he finally speaks again, a determined look forming on his face and you look up at him. “Well, that’s just unacceptable! I can’t have my best bud being threatened by anyone! Even her! Thank you for telling me chap.” His look softens. You nod dumbly and he smiles at you before turning and leaving you alone once more.

You stare at your now empty doorway for a while, not really knowing what to think or do. What is Jake going to do? What is he going to say? How is Jane going to react? What should you do? 

Finally, you turn back to your computer to work and try to block out your worries.

The next day before class Jane approaches you.

She looks even more pissed than she had when she threatened you.

“Mr. Strider!” You gulp. “Yeah, Jane?” You ask nervously. “Jake broke up with me today.” “Oh damn. Too bad I guess.” “You wouldn’t happen to know why would you?” “Uh no. Why would I?” She looks you up and down incredulously. “You sure Mr. Strider?” “Mhm.” She doesn’t seem to believe you at all. “Interesting because he seemed to be aware that I had told you to stay away from him.” Oh shit. Welp, you hope Dave is ready for your funeral. “I wouldn’t know how if he did.” “Yeah right, Mr. Strider. I know you told him. Why would you do that? Oh, wait I know. To break us up so you can have him!” She’s screaming at you now and people are turning to look at you and it’s really kicking up your anxiety even higher than it already was. You raise your hands up to beside your face. “Hey look he was already planning o-” “So you did tell him!” Shit. You and your big stupid mouth. You wince. “Yeah but only because he was planning on breaking up with you.” “Yeah right!” 

Almost everyone is staring at you now and you’re so fucking scared inside. “Look he was. He doesn’t feel like yo-” “Shut up!” She yells at you for a long time afterward and you can feel yourself shrinking under both her words and the eyes on you. It’s all so overwhelming and just when you think it’s going to be too much you see Jake coming up behind Jane. 

And he looks pissed as fuck. 

“Jane!” Jane goes still at the sound of his voice and you see fear flash across her face before she turns to him. They start to argue, well more Jake yelling at her for yelling at you while she tries to explain herself. You don’t stay long to watch. You can’t bear to. Eyes have shifted over to them and you use the chance to slip away unnoticed and get to your tree to try and calm down.

A bit later you look up to see that people have left have you let out a breath of relief and let yourself relax. You even reach up to lift off your shades to look up at the sky. However not long after you do so Jake’s voice sounds from beside you. “I like your eyes chap.” You jolt and quickly shove your shades back on. “Oh sorry did I surprise you chap?” “Uh yeah, something like that.” You shrug and he sits down next to you. “You ok chum?” “Yeah. Of course, I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” He shrugs. “You don’t usually like eyes on you like that chap.” It shocks you that he’s noticed and you look away shyly. “Uh yeah I guess.” There’s silence for a while afterward and it’s really awkward.

Finally Jake looks up at the sky and points at a cloud. “That one looks like a seagull.” At first your more surprised he’s not asking about your eyes but then you realize what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to help you relax just like he had before. You stare at him, blinking, for a couple seconds before he looks down at you to see the problem and you quickly avert your gaze back to the sky. “I think it looks more like a crow.” You don’t actually but it’s the first other kind of bird you think of and you’ve never really seen a seagull anyway. In fact, crows and a few small birds along with pigeons are really the only birds you’ve ever seen. Jake smiles as you start to play along and before too long it’s just like it had been the last time you two played this. Everything is calm and peaceful and you can practically feel the bond between you and Jake growing.

After a while, he turns to you again. “I’m sorry for everything Jane did to you chap.” You look down at him, a bit surprised at the change in subject. “Wha? Oh yeah, that. Don’t worry about it, dude. You didn’t have any control over her.” He shrugs and looks down at the ground. “I guess but I still feel bad for being in the center of this and causing you harm. I feel bad for hurting her too but mostly I feel bad that you got hurt when you could do nothing to change what you were doing and weren’t even trying to do what she thought you were in the first place.” He’s so innocent and sweet for feeling bad for hurting Jane even after everything and hearing him talk about hurting you and feeling bad for it both makes your heart sink and feel warm at the same time. Then he reaches the point about you not doing what she thought you were and you have to resist the urge to flinch. Of course even after she did this he still doesn’t think that you love him the way you do. He’s just so blind sometimes. It’s cute.

That’s it.

You have to tell him. 

You just have to.

“About that Jake.” He turns to you with confusion clear on his face and you nearly lose your nerve at the sight of his face. He’s just so good-looking on top of all the things you love about his heart and his personality that it’s almost too much. “What is it chap?” And then there’s that accent. Damn you really are completely and irreversibly in love with Jake English aren’t you? Of course, you are. He is perfect after all.

“I was kinda trying to do what she said I was.” He looks even more confused at that, tilting his head to the side. “What do you mean Dirk?” Hearing him use your name instead of chum or chap once again almost makes you lose your nerve but you can’t now. You’re too far in. You’ve just got to see this through while you still can. “I mean, when you decided to date her I was all chill with that and wasn’t going to do anything then. I didn’t want to make you unhappy or break you two apart or anything like that but beforehand and well… Now too I… I wanted to court you for myself. I wanted to date you myself. Because I love you, Jake.” You can’t look him in the face as you confess, instead staring down at the ground, so you don’t see his complete reaction until he speaks again. “You mean that Dirk? You love me?” You look up, unable to resist knowing whether he means that as something he said in disgust in which case you should attempt to play in off as a joke or a prank or more as something he meant hopefully. His face radiates hope and joy all the time but right now you can practically feel his unbridled hope that you were telling the truth as you look over his face and it fills you with even more love for him and the confidence to nod your head and speak.

“Yeah. I do.” He squeals and jumps at you, tackling you to the ground and into a hug full of joy and happiness like you’ve never seen before. Which when you know Jake is quite the fete. It’s infectious too and even though you haven’t heard confirmation that he loves you back come from his lips you feel the hope fill you that this is confirmation and in turn, you smile wide and hug him back just a bit gentler than the intense tightness with which he’s hugging you.

You stay there like that for a long time before Jake finally pulls away from your shoulder enough for the two of you to see each other’s faces and for him to calm his giggles down enough to speak. “I love you too Dirk.” Hearing the words come from his lips make your heart fill with so much joy and love and warmth that you swear it’s going to explode your chest. You smile the widest you ever have in your entire life and lean up to kiss him before you can think twice about it. Thankfully he kisses back and at that moment you are sure of one thing at the very least. 

This tree is no longer just your spot. It’s his spot too. It's both of your spots. “This is our spot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this chapter taking longer again but I wanted to make sure the final chapter was as good as I could get it before posting it. I hope you all enjoyed my story!


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